|Proof that a higher education |
pays off in the end.
Oh so? I thought the whole idea of "investments" is that, in theory anyway, they eventually turn a profit to the investor. But as my broker reminds me at the end of every phone call, my principal is subject to loss. So why should higher education be any different? Look what my diploma got me: a blog.
|That's me in the last row on the far right.|
The guides boasted of a student population involved in everything from physics to public service. All I saw were kids tossing around Frisbees while others withdrew their parents' cash from an onsite ATM before going into the college-owned food court featuring every chain from Starbucks to Subway to Domino's Pizza. There were the usual fraternities, of course, like Eata Smegma Pi and Grabba Girla Dae. Somewhere between the compost station and the wi-fi laundry room, I think classes were mentioned, too, but I can't be sure.
|Apropos of nothing,|
I hate this shit.
This whole "ze" business, aside from reeking of undeniable stupidity, is ready-made for interesting conversation over late-night beers at the campus pub:
"I was talking to Bob and Mary today."
"What's up with them?"
"Well, ze told me that ze is transferring to another school."
"Really? What does ze think about it?"
"Well, ze's not happy about it, but -- and this is what ze told me later -- ze was told by everybody else that ze had to accept it."
"Yeah, but so's ze."
"Yeah, I hadn't thought of that."
|If it's good enough for Tom Poston...|
Otherwise, why stop at he and she? Let's go the whole hog and eliminate names. "Hank" sounds more masculine than "Betsy," for example, so it's best to replace them with, say, "Menu" and "Wristwatch." Too bad those names can be easily considered politically incorrect. Better make it "Vegetarian Menu" and "Non-Blood Diamond Wristwatch."
Uh oh. Diamonds are associated in our sexist society with women, so we can't have that. Better make it "Hourglass." Except there's that old saw about women with hourglass figures. A simple "Clock" sounds too much like a certain masculine-oriented slang -- wait, isn't "orient" racist? Make that "masculine-Asianed" slang.
Where was I? Ah, the new name for Betsy. "Time Piece"? Uh uh. Haven't you ever heard how men degrade women by calling them "a piece"? There's always "Sundial"... if the first syllable didn't sound exactly like "son," thus paying homage to our sick, paternalistic society. The bastards always win in the end, don't they?
Forget about identifying with my sex. I'm having a hard enough time identifying with with my species.
Today's ze-obsessed college students could learn a thing or two from this 1960s Folger's Coffee commercial: