THE BOYCOTT BEFORE THE HORSE

As with the groundhog, so does Spike Lee stick his head out to give us his forecast. And, as usual, it's six more weeks of outrage.
This time, the problem is Quentin Tarantino's latest regurgitation of the b-movies of his youth, Django Unchained. Spike took to his electronic soapbox, Twitter, and typed: 

American Slavery Was Not A Sergio Leone Spaghetti Western. It Was A Holocaust. My Ancestors Are Slaves. Stolen From Africa. I Will Honor Them.

As you can see, he capitalized the first letter of every word to make it look that much more important. He could've encircled each word in neon and a white fur baseball cap for all I care. Unless it's coming from a rebel in a Mideast dictatorship, nothing called a "tweet" can be taken seriously.

Spike added that he was "boycotting" Django Unchained. Which means on opening day, it took in $15,011,121 instead of $15,011,135.50. That's if Spike even pays to see movies, which, as a member of the DGA and, probably, the Motion Picture Academy, he likely hasn't done since "potato" was spelled with an "e."

For a guy who takes politics seriously, Spike sure misuses the word "boycott." Back in the civil rights days -- when his family lived comfortably in Brooklyn and summered in Newport, RI -- boycott meant a mass protest aimed at hurting a racist business financially. Diners, bus lines, theaters, you name it -- whoever discriminated against blacks got hit in the pocketbook, and felt it. By Spike's standards, I'm boycotting over 99% of all consumer products, movies included. I got the power!

Let's take a look at a fraction of what I'm currently boycotting:

Fire hoses: I'm tripping over enough stuff in a New York apartment without having one of these things taking up space.

The Cadillac XTS Luxury Sedan: Ever hear of alternate-side of the street parking? A pain.

Goldfish food: Too flaky and it smells something terrible.

Jimmy Choo shoes: I get vertigo from welcome mats -- you think I'm going to wear something that high?

Paint-by-numbers sets: A total scam -- they never look as good as the picture on the box.

Steel beams: I actually considered these for coatracks, but then realized I'd have a devil of a time explaining it to the co-op board if they fell through the window.

Kellogg's Frosted Flakes: They think they're fooling people with that new Tony the Tiger voice. Ha!

Iridium: My wife prefers sapphires, and besides, I never cared for heavy metal.


Heroin: Until Bayer starts manufacturing a quality product again, count me out. 

One more thing: Spike Lee's most recent release, Red Hook Summer, grossed $338,803 total. With the average price of a movie ticket in the USA being $8.12, that means out of a population of almost 312-million, only 41,725 people paid to see it. Now that's a boycott.

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