ZEN FOR OUR TIMES

I was sad because I had no HBO. Then I met a man who had no basic cable. 

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Master Po and his Student are in Starbucks. As they pay for their coffee, the Student is dismayed to see Master Po slip a package of Madelines into his pocket. When they go outside, the Student says, "Master, you took those Madelines without paying for them. How could you do such an unethical thing?" Master Po replies, "If I don't do it, who will?"

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The longest journey begins with the first downpayment.

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You can learn as much from a cloud in the sky as you can an mp3 in your Cloud.

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Two Teachers are walking through the forest when they come upon a tree bearing fruit. The first Teacher takes a piece off the closest branch. The second Teacher asks, "Nobody likes the lowest-hanging fruit." The first Teacher replies, "Then explain Jay Leno."

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Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future. Whatever you want, it's too late. 

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An important Senator voted against a law supported by only 10% of the people. He was asked, "Did you not hear what the other 90% wanted?" The Senator smiled and replied, "When the other 90% learn to speak the language of old men on pieces of currency, then I will listen."

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Before enlightenment: Chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment: hire somebody else to do it.

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A flower falls, even though we love it. The Kardashians get renewed every season, even though we hate them.

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A Student approaches his Master with tears in his eyes. "Master, my older beloved has left me for a man with a nicer car." The Master replies, "The Jaguar always wins the cougar."

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The fool holds onto his anger. The wise man shares it.

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When an ordinary man attains knowledge, he is a sage; when a sage attains understanding, he charges others.

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A proud man is walking with his dog. The man says to it, "Look around! I am smarter than everyone you see!" The dog replies, "This, from a guy who talks to dogs."

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Between the worlds of right and wrong is a field. I will meet you there. You bring the beer.
           
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