Wednesday, December 18, 2013


Senate Republicans were unable to stop military pension cuts when Senate Democrats blocked a vote on an amendment to prevent the cuts by closing a welfare loophole for illegal immigrants Tuesday evening. When asked about the vote, Sen. Harry Reid (D-UT) was frank. 

"We'd like to help our veterans," Reid told reporters almost convincingly, "but with all the pork barrel spending we've got to shell out -- not to mention the donations we receive from special interest groups -- we had no choice but to decimate their pensions."

When asked if the government was breaking its promise to military enlistees that they had nothing to fear once they re-entered civilian life, Reid chuckled. "Does 'If you like your insurance, you can keep it' sound familiar? Since when hasn't the government broken its promises? That's our job. And that's not always a bad thing. I mean, we got rid of slavery after promising to keep it, right? And Prohibition -- everyone celebrating at their office Christmas parties should thank God they can get smashed courtesy of the government's ability to turn on a dime whenever we feel like it."

A reporter from the Washington Post pointed out that troops deserved their full pensions and healthcare after over a decade of war, but Reid shrugged his shoulders. "Look, we got rid of the draft. Nobody asked these guys to join up. They could have stayed here and run for office instead, like most of us did. We can do whatever we want. Hell, my staff is exempt from Obamacare and I fought for the damn thing!" Reid chuckled. 

Reid went on to claim that he was actually looking out for the veterans' best interests. "More illegal immigrants mean fewer lousy jobs that veterans won't have to take when they return home. That is if they return home. What are they doing with three tours of duty in Afghanistan, anyway? That's just nuts. You want to tour, come to Salt Lake City. Great skiing this time of year."


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