Science has finally made the breakthrough the world has been waiting for. A cure for cancer or the common cold? Allowing paralyzed people to walk again? A vaccination for AIDS?
No, better than those, and then
some. A device has been developed that makes men experience the pain of
not only that, it's been used on a television show in Denmark. You heard
right: deliberately inflicting pain on men is now considered entertainment.
Somehow, I bet the Code Pink crowd that loudly protested the "enhanced
interrogation techniques" performed on suspected terrorists will cheer,
applaud, and huzzah this brand of torture. Well, that's what you get
for helping your wife get pregnant like she wanted to. Brother, you can't
Just to make things fair, I think
there's a type of pain exclusive to men that women should experience, just so they know what it's like. This
kind of conversation should sound familiar:
WIFE: What restaurant do you want to go,
Cilantro or Cavatoppo?
HUSBAND: Oh, I don't care, it's up
WIFE: No, really, which one?
HUSBAND: Honestly, it doesn't
WIFE: Really, you decide.
HUSBAND: Alright. I'd like to go
WIFE: (pause) I'd rather go to
HUSBAND: So why did you ask me?
WIFE: I wanted your opinion.
This isn't exclusive to
restaurants, by the way. Breakfast cereals, where the houseplant should go, what street you're going to
bike on -- anything that requires a definite if
ultimately negligible decision, ours is supposedly the deciding choice. Then, from
out of nowhere, a missing ballot is discovered, completely negating our vote.
Ladies, what is it with your bogus
charitable feeling toward us? Do you feel selfish making such a
simple decision? Let me give you a tip. Men are incredibly simple. Like 0 + 0 = 0 simple. Our demands are few, perhaps embarrassingly so. Cold beer, high-speed internet, cable TV -- we've hit the jackpot! When we say, "I don't care,"
we really, really, mean it. We. Don't. Care. You're not doing us
any favors by making us feel we have a say in matters that don't involve a question any more complicated than "Pepperoni or mushrooms?"
experience childbirth once, twice, maybe three times in your
life. We go through the agony of this bait & switch for the entirety
of the marriage. So if you're going to do it, at least provide us with an
epidural first. That is, if that's what you wanted to do in the first place.