Monday, June 9, 2014


The New York Times is known for many qualities -- a rigid point of view, massive ego, a yearning to return to the good old days before the internet -- but irony is not among them. It came as no surprise, then, when this headline appeared in the Newspaper of Record® over the weekend:

 Sharpton Warns Against Race-Baiting in New York Contest

Now, the New York Post would have run a snarkier (read: more truthful) headline, perhaps one including some of the reverend's greatest hits: "Diamond merchant," "cracker," "Chinaman," and "homos" would have been a pretty good start. But again, the Times, being the Newspaper of Record®, is compelled to present the story straight -- or, rather, with a straight face.

A quick look through the Times' archive presents similar headlines from its illustrious history:

Christopher Columbus Warns Against Infecting Indians with Smallpox

Marie Antoinette Warns Against Irritating French Peasants 

Lenin Warns Against Violence Against Tsar's Family

Hitler Warns Against Becoming Most Unpopular Government in History

Beatles Warn Against Knocking Elvis Off the Pop Charts

Nixon Warns Against Unethical Campaign Tactics

Pres. Clinton Warns Against Marital Infedility

NRA Warns Against Excessive Gun Purchases

Kim Jong-Un Warns Against Creating Culture of Personality

Ronan Farrow Warns Against Inexperienced Journalists

New York Times Warns Against Sexism in the Workplace

But I'm being unfair to the Times, I suppose. Perhaps unfairly unfair, even. While wrapping up this piece, I found a fascinating headline on today's Gallup Poll site:

In U.S., Depression Rates Higher for Long-Term Unemployed

They needed to take a poll to figure this out. Thanks, guys.


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