FOR GOVERNOR: The one who's going to keep us safe, and do something about taxes.
FOR ATTORNEY GENERAL: The one who's going after "the bad guys."
FOR UNITED STATES SENATOR: The one who's going to shake up Washington. You know, the one with the nice family.
FOR STATE SENATOR: The one whose campaign commercials make the opponent look creepy by running footage of him in slow motion and black & white.
FOR ASSEMBLYMAN: The one who's going to fight for your family.
FOR REPRESENTATIVE: The one who's always on Morning Joe. (Not that candidate, the other one.)
FOR STATE COMPTROLLER: What's a comptroller?
FOR JUDGE: The same one you voted for last time. If you can't remember who it was, choose the judge whose nationality seems closest to yours. You never know when you're going to need a speeding ticket thrown out.
PROPOSITION 1: Yeah, it sounds alright.
PROPOSITION 2: Better not. It's just a scam to create jobs for the Speaker of the Council's friend who owns a construction company.
PROPOSITION 3: It depends.
Remember: Democracy doesn't work unless you listen to all the robocalls interrupting your meals.