SENSE AND NONSENSABILITY

Lou Costello obviously had very little sense.

Whenever Bud Abbott wanted his comedy partner to stop ad-libbing on radio and return to the script, he'd bark, "Talk sense, Costello!"

Talk sense. Astute advice, is it not? And yet, there are countless public personalities who not only never heed these two words of wisdom, they positively revel in their own claptrap. 

"Who's on first?" "I dunno, I'm not supposed
to look."

New York Mayor Bill de Blasio, for instance. Apparently unhappy with the sharp decline in crime that occurred under the two previous mayors, de Blasio ordered his stooge, Chief William J. Bratton, to tell the cops to knock off any proactive behavior. In other words, Don't do anything until somebody's hurt. The result? Murder is up 6% since last year, and rape 5%. 

But because the rest of the felony crimes (pickpocketing? jumping subway turnstiles?) were down 4%, de Blasio boasts that "overall crime" has dropped during in his administration. You might be dead, the Mayor says, but at least nobody stole your wallet. Talk sense, de Blasio!

No, Doc, that's not how you spell "IDIOT."

Then there's Ben Carson. Since he admits that he cheated on his college chemistry finals when God gave him the answers in advance, maybe he's not as smart as his fans think. First he gives us his sound professional opinion that the nine people shot on an Oregon campus recently were wusses for being frozen with fear at the sight of a madman using them for target practice. Yet the next day, he told an interviewer that his one encounter with a gunman at a restaurant ended happily by advising the criminal to go after the schlub behind the counter instead. That is, if it even happened. 

You know Will Rogers' famous bromide, "I never met a man I didn't like"? This is how Ben Carson updated that remark on his Facebook page: "I never saw a body with bullet holes that was more devastating than taking the right to arm ourselves away."  This coincides with Carson's recent observation that those six million Jews were killed in the Holocaust only because they lacked guns. Talk sense, Carson!

"What is this evil called Google of which I'm unaware?"

It takes someone with more strength than me to dig up all the times Hillary Clinton has flipflopped, sidestepped, evaded, fudged, hedged, and contradicted herself (i.e., lied like a Saxon dog).  The most recent of her weekly gaffes concerns the Trans-Pacific Partnership deal -- of which she says, “As of today, I am not in favor of what I have learned about it.” 

What you have learned about it? You helped to create it when Secretary of State, and, by CNN's count, promoted it publicly 45 times! CNN also listed her five opinions on the Keystone Pipeline. Hillary, it appears, is unfamiliar with an obscure computer thingy called an "internet search" which can pull up any statement she's ever made with the push of an "ENTER" button. Talk sense, Clinton!

Gratitude is another spectre.

Stupidity isn't limited to politicians. Last week, Daniel Craig gave Sony Pictures its biggest case of agita since it was learned the studio kept its passwords in a computer file called "Passwords."  Craig starred in the last three James Bond movies, with another, Spectre, set for release later this year, making him the highest-paid actor of the series. So when recently asked if he was looking forward to the next Bond installment, he sighed, "I'd rather slash my wrists."

Craig blames the franchise for his otherwise mediocre box-office career. Tell that to Sean Connery, Roger Moore or Pierce Brosnan. After he stops crying in his shaken-not-stirred martini, Craig might want to check his ATM, since he was paid $60-million dollars for Spectre. He even made an extra $5-million just for holding a Sony smartphone onscreen.  And Craig considers this suicide-worthy? Talk sense, Craig!

Yes, these people are in desperate need of a Bud Abbott in their professional lives. Because there's a difference between going for a laugh, and being a laughingstock.

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