A WILL GOES AWAY

The pudgy nose of the GOP.

Many important questions are being asked this morning. What will the "Brexit" mean to international finances and relations? If ISIS is beaten back in Syria, should we take out Pres. Assad next? And are those new American Express commercials supposed to be funny just because they star Tina Fey?

But the most pressing inquiry facing us is: Does anyone outside the DC Beltway care that George Will has left the Republican Party? More to the point, does anyone he wishes to persuade to do likewise even know who he is?

Idiocy sounds better like this.

Will's key statement regarding his farewell -- "This is not my party" -- matches pound for pound Trump's lusty ego ("my party"!), while, at the same time, making no sense. Looking upon women and gays as second-class citizens, playing up to gun nuts, believing that working stiffs are overpaid, denying climate change, you name it -- Trump is merely laying out the classic Republican platform in one of those thumping, bass-heavy car speakers that wake you up at three in the morning, rather than from a tinny yet soothing 1950s Philco Predicta, back when segregation was law, women were in the kitchen, and gays just didn't exist. 

"Ooh! Ooh! Donald!"

Perhaps that's the real problem Will has with him: Trump has no class. He dresses like a sketchy funeral director, gets his hair done at Not-So-Supercuts, and sounds like he received elocution lessons from Gunther Toody. 

In other words, Trump reflects much of the 14-million people who voted for him -- a bigger turnout, as Trump will gladly remind you, than any Republican candidate in history. That is precisely the mob that George Will never deigns to interact with, other than to say, "Check, please." 

I first understood his superciliousness in a 2009 column when he bemoaned -- in 747 words -- being surrounded by adults wearing jeans and running shoes. His advice to us: "For men, sartorial good taste can be reduced to one rule: If Fred Astaire would not have worn it, don't wear it. For women, substitute Grace Kelly."  

Apart from being another one of his pathetic "Life was so much better when I was a kid!" pieces of drivel, it also showcases Will's total lack of understanding regarding life outside suburban Washington cocktail parties. I mean, my wife and I would love to dress like Astaire and Kelly -- no kidding! Maybe you could lend us a few bucks, George? 

"No, Mr. Will, I expect you to die!"

You can catch Will's snob act during his appearances on Fox News' Special Report's round-table segment. That's always fun, because he speaks through gritted teeth, knowing full well that he's playing second-fiddle to fellow conservative intellectual and senior round-table member Charles Krauthammer. I can't say that I always agree with Krauthammer, (a/k/a The Hammer), but his quiet, piercing delivery can be either ruthlessly penetrating or laugh-out loud funny -- or both. The guy is a serious wit, yet carries the intimidating gravitas of a 1960s James Bond villain.

He won't be so pro-gun
when someone mistakes
his hair for a rabid
chipmunk. 

George Will, on the other hand, with a haircut that looks a bad toupee (or is it vice-versa?), owlish glasses, and oh-so-superior manner, looks like the result of a one-night stand between Howdy Doody and Queen Victoria. Or Franklin Pangborn and ZaSu Pitts -- Will can be a chameleon that way. He gets off an infrequent bon mot on Special Report, but does it in such a way that you want tell him to piss off and, oh yeah, do something about that weird-colored thing on top of your head. 

Many of George Will's observations have become legendary. Doubting the severity of campus rapes; crediting Pres. Obama's popularity simply on his race; decrying high voter turnout by comparing it to the rise of Adolf Hitler to name just a few. Perhaps Will is right when he refers to the GOP as "my party," only with a Trinity College/Oxford/Princeton education setting him apart from the base. And, true to GOP-elite form, Will dumped the mother of his children for a younger, prettier wife in 1991. In his day, couples stayed married!

So, George, tell me in words I can understand -- what is it about Donald Trump's views (and marriage vows) that you find so offensive? And when are you going to start dressing like Fred Astaire?

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