Tuesday, September 6, 2016


Hillary Clinton, 69, held a $25,000-a-ticket fundraiser in the Hamptons featuring Paul McCartney, 74, Jimmy Buffett, 69, and Jon Bon Jovi, 54.

A spokesman for Clinton said this was a good way to bring out the youth vote.

Fortunately, Love-Robinson had enough time to provide Hillary Clinton's medical records before his arrest.

Informed of the auction, Hillary Clinton said, "That's almost $200 to wipe your ass. I can get the same service from the press for free!"

In related news, historians have discovered that Hillary Clinton made a donation to replenish the squirrel population in Fort Marcy Park shortly before Vince Foster's death.

Asked for a comment on their findings, a Clinton spokesman admitted, "It was easier than putting squirrels around the country, know what I mean?"


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