HEALTH AND WEALTH

Hillary Clinton stars in a remake of Catch Me if You Can.

At the same time Hillary Clinton was doing a Raggedy Ann routine in New York yesterday due to "overheating" -- like she was a '57 DeSoto -- my wife and I were walking around the Upper East Side, commenting on how comfortable the morning was, and speculating that we might have needed jackets.

Oh, Hillary was diagnosed with pneumonia on Friday you say? And it was made public only because she did a face plant into her limo? Ah, thanks for the facts, if that's what they are. 

"My devious plan worked again!"

You know how B-list celebrities are forever referring to "my truth"? When Hillary and her hombres do it, it's in order to differentiate it from "the truth." 

Yes, all politicians fiddle with facts. They wouldn't be politicians if they didn't. But Hillary & company's default position to any possible problem seems to be, at best, opaque, like a properly sauteed cod. Which is why everything in her campaign smells fishy. 

Yeah, I so trust this guy to give me
a rectal exam.

Donald Trump's not much better. We've got the statement from Trump's physician, Dr. Harold Bornstein, which reads like something that you'd expect either from a five year-old playing doctor, or Hillary's campaign. Describing a patient's health as "astonishingly excellent" doesn't sound like something they teach med school. 

Actually, I'm concerned.

And while we're at it, did this guy even go to grammar school? If he's not able to construct a simple salutation -- one that wouldn't be proper on a medical statement even if he got it right -- I think writing a prescription is out of the question.

People might not have gotten thin,
but Oz's wallet got really fat.

Perhaps Trump will finally reveal all this Thursday when he discusses his "health regimen" with Dr. Oz, the guy who admitted under oath in front of a congressional committee that he shilled for a diet product scam. I guess Trump needed someone to make Trump University look legit.

Trump O'Lantern.

Maybe during their little chat, Dr. Oz can bring up Trump's orange skin, which can be a sign of one of 14 illnesses, ranging from jaundice to Marchiafava-Micheli disease to Bronze baby syndrome. (Considering his temperament, the latter seems most likely.) Of course, this controversy could be laid to rest if he released his official tanning bed regimen.

Yes, folks, in a country with a population of 322,000,000, the primary voters, along with the two major political parties, decided that Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump were the only ones qualified to be president. Forget about their health. It's the rest of America that's sick.

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