SEVEN MONTHS IN 2017

You've got to feel sorry for Melania Trump. Here she was, a poor immigrant from an

After careful consideration, Trump decides to make a
pass at his wife instead of his daughter.

Eastern European backwater, who only wanted to come to America and put her degree in Architecture & Design headshots to good use. Or, if that didn't pan out, find a rich husband to care for her, provide a crash pad for visiting relatives, and pay for the occasional tasteful plastic surgery. Becoming the First Lady of the Second Reich definitely wasn't on her dance card.

Like right out of DC on the first Metro.

And then there's poor Baron Trump. Not only was he saddled with a name literally out of a 19th-century children's book, it's likely the family business will be so damaged by the time he comes of age, he'll have to become a travel agent for Aeroflot. At least his dad has connections.

But what of the patriarch? Again, sympathy is required. Like many businessmen caught on the ladder of success, here's a guy who loves his title but hates his job. There's no doubt that, deep down, Donald Trump would love to go back to his 5th Avenue penthouse, where he can return to his favorite meal (well-done steak with ketchup) without it being headline news, and making self-depreciating appearances in movies.

On the other hand, here's proof that Trump's
inaugural really was the largest ever.

Did I say "businessman"? If so, it must be taken with a grain or two of (non-Kosher!) salt. For what kind of a guy with a business background keeps playing to 25% of the public rather than at least 51%? Of course, we're talking national polls. In Alabama, Trump's approval skyrockets to 85% of Republicans. That's pretty astonishing, when you consider the last time 85% of Alabamans approved of anything, it was swinging from a noose. 

If you have to say not all Trump supporters are
Nazis, there might be something strange going on.

Nor does Trump appear to know history. Despite his protestations, rallies invoking the good ol' Nazi days tend not to draw "many fine people." If he is playing to his base, as is claimed, then we should use the first definition of the word: "the lowest part or edge of something." I half-expect Trump pull a Sgt. Schultz and bellow, "I know nothing, nothing!" 

People in Trump's inner circle (of hell) say that he won the election by going on his instincts, and continues to trust it. Perhaps he should change his slogan from "Make America Great Again" to "Trump: Putting the Stinks in Instincts."

At least Trump kept his promise to bring America together: everybody hates everybody

Coming soon to a TV near you.

else now. It's weirdly interesting, in fact, to watch the slow-motion coming of the second Civil War. Does anybody really find it shocking that Carl Bernstein reports many high-ranking folks in the military believe Donald Trump is unfit for the presidency? 

I've seen that movie before. It was called Seven Days in May. This might be the only time when people hope Burt Lancaster succeeds.

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