CAGEY DAYS

If you can't trust this guy...

Thanks to our spiritual leaders in the current administration, we now are aware of the Bible passage that reads, If the children of illegals offend thee, pluck them out of their parents' arms. And, lo, drop them in cages of metal, where they may cry and shiver for the misdeeds of the mother and father. 

Is cage too strong a word? Apparently so, according to Fox News' yolk-for-brains Steve Doocy. The kids, he informs us, are actually in "a great, big warehouse facility where they built walls out of chain link fences". 

The Dooce might have consulted with border patrol agents who admitted to CBS News that they are cages but -- and this is important -- the kids aren't being treated like animals. So can we please put that canard to rest?

"Be vewwy, vewwy quiet. I'm hunting children!"

Meanwhile, Attorney General Jeff Sessions -- the man Elmer Fudd would have been if he'd been born in Alabama and leaned toward a theocratic rule of law -- had to defend himself against charges that seizing children from illegals was comparable to Nazi behavior. 

Now, comparing anything in America to Nazis is always dicey. But leave it to the guy named after Jefferson Davis and whose middle name really is Beauregard to teach us a Trump-like history lesson: "Well, it's a real exaggeration. In Nazi Germany, they were keeping the Jews from leaving the country." Kind of the way kidnappers keep captives from leaving by locking them up in concentration camps and gassing them, you cornpone moron.

But forget about all that. We know that caging kids who are here through no volition of their own is acceptable because, according to Jeff, the Bible tells us so. Just like it tells us, "Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him." 

Hey, at least the grown men are spared. Unless they fall into this list of 28 people who the Bible sees fit to die. Oh man, do I want to see our Attorney General defend someone who murdered his kids because they were "disobedient". 

Who wants to smack him in the face first?

We shouldn't be too hard on Jeff, though. He's merely following the orders of Stephen Miller, who got his job as Trump's senior advisor due to his uncanny resemblance to Vladimir Putin and Josef Goebbels. Miller is the driving force behind Operation: Offend Everybody, which has been so successful that it's riled up Ted Cruz, who didn't care that Trump called his wife ugly.

Yet for all his hard-right goosestepping bravado, Miller appears to share one vitally important trait with liberal Democrat Anthony Weiner. They likely got their asses repeatedly kicked in high school because they looked (and probably behaved) like assholes. But while Weiner took revenge in adulthood by sexting adolescent girls, Miller seems to have decided, "OK, I'll show you what a real asshole is!"

President Barack Obama used to have a habit of dismissing actions he didn't approve of with the proclamations "This is not who we are" or "This is not the way the world works." This intellectually-naïve attitude continues today in regard to children locked in cages: "This is not what America is." 

Yes. It. Is. Watch the news -- that's not CGI on your TV screen, so you might as well get used to it. As it says in Hebrews 13:17, "Obey your leaders and submit to them." Kneel before the Holy Trinity of Trump, Miller, and Sessions: the Adulterous Father, the Son of a Bitch, and the Holy Old Goat.

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