NOT-SO-SMART ALEC

He's done the perp walk more than the red carpet.

As you've no doubt heard, Alec Baldwin was arrested in New York over the weekend for punching a guy in a spat over a parking space. The last time he ran afoul of the law was in 2014, when he was cuffed for riding his bike against traffic and for disorderly conduct (i.e., mouthing off to the arresting officer, always a good idea in New York). 

I wrote about that incident at the time in an attempt to figure out the root of his hot-headed temper. My two-bit analysis came down self-loathing: "He's a 'tough guy' in a profession where one wears make-up and dresses up in costumes -- you know, like a little girl at a tea party. To his thinking, I'd wager, acting isn't a 'manly' profession."

The same could've applied to Marlon Brando. How else to explain his blatant disdain for a profession where he was considered his generation's greatest practitioner?  Also, like Baldwin, he got fat. 

But that's where the similarity ends. Because whether in classics like Julius Caesar and One-Eyed Jacks, or high-class trash like Reflections in a Golden Eye, or a 20-minute cameo in A Dry White Season, Brando's greatness was, and continues to be, undeniable.

"Yup, I'm funnier than Baldwin!"

Alec Baldwin, however, is, like the late Leslie Nielsen, a one-time B-list dramatic ham who found his niche in comedy. But while Nielsen was by all accounts a good guy offscreen and enjoyed a major movie comeback in his 60s, Baldwin is an arrogant asshole currently best known for his TV work playing Donald Trump, the only person he hates more than himself. 

And from whence does this hatred derive? Well, it's been said you hate another person only because you recognize their negative traits in yourself. So let's take a look.

Multiple marriages, the latest to a much younger woman: Baldwin, 60, is married to a 34 year-old.

A hatred of the press: Baldwin told ABC reporter Tara Palmeri, "I hope you choke to death." He called CNN correspondent Kaitlan Collins "a hag." He urged his Twitter followers to hound  New York Times' Maggie Haberman because he didn't like the a piece she wrote about him. 

A disdain for women: See "hatred of press" above. And calling his then-11 year-old daughter "a rude thoughtless little pig", which is another example of his projection.

Homophobic: Called celebrity photographer Genevieve Sabourin "a cocksucking fag" and Daily Mail columnist George Stark "a fucking little bitch" and "a toxic little queen".

Despite all denials, his base must be equally bigoted: Even after Atlantic magazine printed a piece entitled, "Yeah, Alec Baldwin Really Is A Bigot",  his fans are still A-OK with him.

He's a liar: He promised to quit show business and move to a gated community in Beverly Hills to escape the hated New York press. He promised to move to Canada if George W. Bush was was elected in 2000. He promised to quit playing Trump on SNL. 

He's paranoid: Baldwin believes the press in conspiring to destroy him. 

He's a jerk: No one asks a friend to hold a parking space for him in New York.

The Gene Rayburn of his generation.

Admittedly, there's one major difference between the two men. Trump is totally out of his league as president. Over the summer, meanwhile, Baldwin found a gig for which he was totally qualified: hosting a revival of The Match Game on ABC. Currently, he has, for the same network, a Sunday night talk show that nobody watches. Oh, and then there's the aforementioned weekly, five-minute appearance on Saturday Night Live.

I hope Leslie Nielsen realized how lucky he was.
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