THE REYKING CREW

Mars or Iceland? I let you decide.

The biggest difference between the trip my wife and I made to Iceland last June and the one we returned from last week was that we brought our daughter along this time. Also, the sun rose (a little) at 10:45 a.m. and set five hours later. Quite a difference from the summer, when the sun sticks around like a guest who'll just have one more for the road for 22 hours.

Another difference was that it was absolutely the coldest weather I'd ever experienced, with snowfall upon arrival in Reykjavik, accompanied by a howling wind that would have drowned out an entire Air Force squadron. I managed to stay in the Blue Lagoon, an outdoor geothermal pool, for all of seven minutes before returning inside and wondering why I ever agreed to this madness. Especially when it was 8:30 in the morning and still pitch black. 

It all came back to me as I thawed out under a hot shower: we had come to see Aurora Borealis, aka the Northern Lights -- which is the only reason anyone would visit Iceland at this time of year. Well, that and the Arctic char. And you can get that anytime.

Our daughter asks what the secret is to luxurious
hair like that.

Iceland, in case you haven't visited, is pretty much bereft of greenery, as the settlers had to chop down all the trees for houses and warmth. The country itself is essentially the remnants of volcano activity over the past millennia or two. (I'm not sure how long a millennia is, but I imagine it's very long). 

If it wasn't for the waterfalls, sheep, and long-haired horses, you'd think you were on another planet. In fact, Elon Musk should forget about this flying-to-Mars nonsense and just go to Iceland. If nothing else, the food's much better. 

After a day in Reykjavik, we started our driving trip to Hotel Ranga. But first, we would visit three waterfalls along the way: Seljalandfoss, Skogafoss, and Gullfoss. Judging by their names, it probably wouldn't surprise you to learn that the language is exactly the same as it was when Iceland was settled by the Vikings in 874 A.D. Everybody speaks English as well -- otherwise we'd have swallowed our tongues trying to communicate with them.

Somewhere under the rainbow, Skogafoss falls.

We went to the top of the mountain to have a bird's eye view of Skogafoss -- and all it required was climbing roughly a million or so stairsteps. I strongly recommend the activity for a year's worth of cardiovascular workout. 


We had also made a pit stop at Geysir, one of the few Icelandic words that didn't require a translation. The last two tourist spots reminded me of Highlights magazine's Goofus and Gallant. Gullfoss sprays visitors incessantly with freezing water. Geysir sprouts straight up, keeping them dry. I'd have posted a photo of Geysir in action, but there was no countdown clock to cue me. All I can tell you is that looked and sounded like a whale belching after a hearty Hungarian dinner. 
                                                                                                                                       

Hotel Ranga is also the
place to go to recreate the

tricycle scene from 

The Shining.

Just before they hoisted us
outside by crane.

My wife and I had last stayed at the Hotel Ranga during our last visit. It's located in the village of Hella -- and believe me it's hella good. Ranga staff provides not only a phone call to your room alerting you when the Northern Lights appear, but also the finest in Arcticwear to keep you from freezing to death outside. Because how else are you going to pay the bill at checkout time?

But as with Geysir, there was no way I could a decent photo of the Northern Lights, so you'll have to visit Hotel Ranga's website. What do you think I am, a professional photographer or something? Android photos are the best you're going to get from me.

Reynisfjara Beach was also featured in Game of Thrones, where it
made even better with gratuitous sex and violence. 

Iceland is famous for its black sand beaches, particularly Reynisfjara Beach with its  "sneaker waves", named for their notorious ability to sneak up on unsuspecting visitors and dragging them out to sea -- the ultimate Icelandic tourist experience.

See those huge formations in the water? We're told that those were trolls who, while trying to dock their ship, turned to stone when the sun rose one morning. That'll teach 'em! 


For all its beauty and history, the most exciting part of our Icelandic adventure came at the very end at Keflavik Airport. After going through Customs, a woman told us we were chosen to be "randomly" pulled aside -- as if it were some kind of "thank you" for flying Icelandair -- and taken to separate rooms, where our bags and pockets were searched, and our hands and socks tested for any residue from explosives. 

Word to the wise: get rid of these
before returning from  Iceland.

I was asked to remove my footwear. "New sneakers," one of the security guys noted almost threateningly, as if they were a hallmark of terrorism. He then pointed out that I had something suspicious stuck to the bottom of my socks. 

These were my Yaktrax toe warmers -- which, like hand warmers for gloves are necessary in Iceland at this time of year. I hastily removed them and dumped them in the trash can. 

It could have been worse. You know, like turning to stone in the sunlight.

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A video of Skogafoss in action. Look carefully and you can see the staircase on the right side going up to the top.