Thursday, February 21, 2019

EMPIRE OF LIES

Jussie Smollett: From headshot to mugshot.
You've heard it before, and you'll hear it again right now: Everybody's got a plan until they get punched in the mouth. 

Mike Tyson said it, and Mike should know, because he sure as heck didn't plan to serve three years in the slammer on a rape rap. And they're still words to live by, even if the mouth in question is punched by yourself.

Jussie Smollett, the two-week symbol of American racial and sexual victimhood, is 36 years old, but has the long-term thought process of a 15 year-old. Maybe it would have helped had he gone to college instead of show business, maybe not. 

What is for sure is that Smollett, like many people who make a good living in the entertainment industry, is totally cut off from real life. It must have taken him by surprise that people aren't likely to walk around Chicago at two in the morning in a minus-20 wind chill with a bottle of bleach (which would have frozen) and a noose looking for a black gay man to attack while bellowing, "This is MAGA country!" 

Chicago: MAGA country? Where the last Republican mayor left office in 1931? That Chicago?

Nor did Smollett take the time to think that cops might want to take a once-over of his cellphone. Or that cops, upon finding resistance on his part, could always get the info from the phone company. I've seen that on cop shows, but Smollett's on a prime-time soap opera about a record company, so maybe he's got an excuse.

Nor did he realize that there are closed-circuit cameras on every block and in every store. Like the hardware where the guys described as his "gym buddies" bought the rope. 

But he sure knew his apartment building had a camera, so he wore the rope around his neck as entered the front door. You know, to prove it really, truly happened. 

Such a plan! And why did he go to such great stupid lengths?  Smollett thought he didn't receive enough sympathy from a threatening letter that was sent to him -- by himself. 

All because he wanted a raise. Interesting salary negotiation.

Smollett's starting pay on Empire in 2016 was $20,000 per episode. There's a chance he hasn't gotten a bump since, although he managed to scrounge up 7,000 bucks to pay his partners in crime. If I were asked to walk around Chicago in the middle of the night in Arctic-like temperatures for any reason, I'd demand 70 thousand dollars.

Line one: MAGAZINE ON BIRDCAGE. Those cops are there to
protect, serve, and do icky things.
How stupid was Jussie Smollett? He didn't think to tell his gym buddies to throw out the bleach and hats when it was over. Because even if the cops tracked them down, they never would have searched their apartment. 

Searched so thoroughly, in fact, that they would even take the magazine that lined their birdcage.

Because Jussie Smollett, TV actor, was smarter than Chicago police detectives. I've figured it out! I'm going to be the first person to get away with it! 

Nice work, Juss. Not only did you put your career in jeopardy, you made jerks out of celebrities who believed you, and made sure that the next time a real hate crime occurs, the first response from people will be Fake news! Donald Trump thanks you for your service.

Smollett even drove Christopher Paul Hasson off today's front page. He's the Coast Guard lieutenant who was out to commit mass murder. Hasson's targets were Democrats, Jews, reporters, and Joe Scarborough. Fuck Chicago -- this is really MAGA country!

The only reason Hasson got caught was because he did his web searches -- like wanting to know if Supreme Court judges had protection -- from his work computer. And the military never keeps track of what people use their computers for.

This guy's smart enough to have his own TV show at $20,000 per episode.

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