DREW'S CLUELESS

The crew bailed before the ship ran aground.

 If you're a writer for Drew Barrymore, the best thing about your boss deciding to
to cancel her series after one awful scriptless week is that you don't have to picket in the rain today. Unfortunately for everybody else, she's going to return once the strike is over.

Last Friday, my wife was flipping through the channels when she paused on Drew's show. Drew and her annoying sidekick were quizzing an audience member about New Jersey. One of the questions involved Bruce Springsteen: "Complete this Springsteen song title: 'Born in the blank.'" You can tell she doesn't have writers because writers have to think. All Drew has to do is show up and collect (allegedly) $350,000 a day for giggling, smirking, and shrieking. 

Drew in one of her calmer moments.

If that figure is true, Barrymore is making big bank for imitating a psycho ward patient every morning. And I can say that for a fact because my wife used to watch the show on occasion, if only because she had just retired and wanted to really zone out. 

Back then, the show was an hour long -- very long. Neither the reviews nor the ratings were very strong. Cutting it down to 30 minutes was less embarrassing for CBS than admitting they made a mistake hiring her solely because she pulled down $15-million per movie at her professional peak (which was at least a decade earlier) so she must be good, right? 

$15 mill? For why? Quick, name a Drew Barrymore movie other than E.T. I'm waiting. 

First rule for ginning up sympathy: ditch the
make-up and the hairbrush.

Barrymore's tearful explanation regarding her return to TV during the WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes, only to follow up days later with an even more tearful video admitting without really admitting that everyone in show business was comparing her to Phillipe Petain, showed how out of touch she was in the first place. 

It was also the first time that she finally lived up to her family's reputation as great actors. Not everyone can cry on cue, you know. 

P.S.: If you're wondering why I'm not piling on Bill Maher for announcing his strike-era return -- let me at least catch the first episode. If it's anything like his scriptless podcast Club Random, it's going to be a tough slog, only with better lighting. Keep the weed at home, Bill!

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