TAKING A TURN FOR THE NURSE

Doing the jobs doctors won't do since forever.

 Nurses don't get enough credit. They're generally taken for granted, and for some reason aren't always thought of as being as "smart" as doctors, as if they shine the shoes that the talented people actually make. 

Too, while it's expected that doctors should be serious, nurses are supposed to be cheerful and laugh at our stupid jokes at the end of their 12-hour overnight shift. And by "our" jokes, I mean mine.

I don't say all this because I'm married to a (retired) nurse. She does well on the medical-related clues on Jeopardy!. And when necessary, she can make an accurate prognosis of whatever is ailing me at any time. Of course, what's ailing me tends to be either psychosomatic or just plain childish. To me that sounds like it makes her job easier, but she might disagree. 

So, it was nice when my wife received a colorful postcard the other day:

At first glance. this appears to be rather nice advice. It is time for nurses to take care of themselves (although it would be even better if someone else took care of them). That self-care doesn't have to be fancy, either. A facial with a cup of tea at Mario Budescu is sometimes all you need to recharge your batteries. My wife gave me a gift certificate for one on my birthday -- and I don't have to put up with cranky patients all day!

But further perusal shows we're not talking the usual spa treatments, unless the "surgeons that nurses trust" are slicing the cucumbers for puffy eyes. Those "cosmetic procedures" usually involve nothing more invasive than coffee grounds and a brush to exfoliate your face. Let's turn the card over and see what's really being sold here:

No mani-pedis here, ladies. This is strictly plastic surgery! Facelifts, nose jobs, something called Mommy Makeover -- all this on a nurse's salary? Really? Because your friendly insurance company sure won't cover it. (Note: do not go all Luigi Mangione on your Aetna CEO.) 

Another satisfied
customer.

Just who is a boob job really for: the nurse or everybody else she encounters? Furthermore, did you know that Botox around the eyes can cause blindness? (I know that because I asked my dermatologist about getting rid of the frown line between my eyes.) And what good is a facelift when you're going to be wearing a mask at work? 

The funniest thing about this ad campaign isn't that the clinic believes the average nurse is going to fall for it. It's the warning, in the finest of fine print, under the photo of the alleged nurse on the other side of the postcard, that had me chuckling: NOT AN ACTUAL PATIENT. 

So don't go getting your hopes up, ladies. You're not really going to look like a professional model (or A.I. generated image) after you drop 15-grand on a facelift. But at least you'll get the V.I.P. complimentary consultation -- and that's cheaper than a cucumber eye mask!

And to all you men feeling left out: yes, there is such a thing as a Daddy Do-Over. Go ahead, guys, treat yourself.

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