GET YOUR KICKS ON ROUTE 101

 After attending a wedding in San Luis Obispo last week, my wife and I drove Route 101 through northern California and into Oregon. I took some snapshots, some the usual kind everybody does, and others that only a guy like me would. So, strap on your seatbelt and settle in. Be sure to watch out for falling rocks. 

While driving up the California coast, we made a stop at the Hearst Castle, the Mar-A-Lago of its day only classier and much, much larger; our guide pointed to a mountain peak that marked the end of its land, which was 35 miles away. This must be the only place where a groundskeeper would need to attach a portable gas pump to his John Deere. Check out the Castle dining room. Pity the poor guest who wanted to chat with the person at the far end of the table. 

These are elephant seals on the beach across the street from the Castle. No matter how many times you've seen them on TV, nothing prepares you for how bizarre they look in person with that big flap bouncing up and down in front of their mouths as they drag themselves around like living water balloons. Note the one passed out in the sand, looking like his skin is peeling from a sunburn. Did I say "bizarre"? Maybe I should have said repulsive. 

If you're ever in the mood to pay $15 for the silliest bragging rights you can think of, go to Leggett, California's Drive-Thru Park and drive through the Chandelier Tree. Like the elephant seals, looks can be deceiving when you're just looking at a photo. Cars must have been a lot smaller when the tree was mutilated in 1931 for the pleasure of travelers. Our Hyundai rental just about made it, while the car in front of us had to back out after just a few inches. Fifteen bucks, down the drain. Or is it chandelier?

After two days of relentless driving, we finally made it to Oregon. Every morning, its coast looks like a window shade that hasn't been pulled up all the way. While New York was sweltering in a heatwave, we had highs in the 60s during the day and low in the 50s at night. I wore a puffy vest over a sweatshirt over a t-shirt and it still wasn't enough. Wind, fog, clouds low enough to touch... why did we do this again?

Nobody in Oregon actually "goes to the beach" the way the rest of us do -- not even in the middle of summer. Instead, they bundle up in as many layers as they can get their hands on, and trudge on the sand in 40 mph winds for no reason other than to look at the huge rocks. Which isn't much of a reason.

On the other hand, there's always a chance you'll get lucky and see a small, dead octopus that's washed up on the shore. Speaking of beaches, all the signs excitedly list the kinds of birds that hang out there, but the only one you're guaranteed to see are seagulls no different than what you're used to. 

And the ornithologist who named the birds must have run out of ideas when it came to one particular breed that's black and catches oyster. It's called a Black Oystercatcher.  Never saw any of those. Maybe they moved on after catching all the oysters.

What's over 100 feet tall, is several centuries old, and has eight limbs but no trunk? Behold the Octopus Tree (no relation to the octopus corpse), the pride of Cape Meares. And if you're wondering how it got to looking like this, keep wondering. Nobody can agree if it was shaped like this by Native Americans or it just grew wacky on its own accord. I prefer one of its alternate names, The Monstrosity Tree, just because. 

You like lighthouses? Hoo boy, you'll get more than your fill, especially if you're married to someone who has to visit every single one of them, making what should have been a two-hour drive last three times as long. This is the Cape Meares Lighthouse, just a ten-minute walk from the Octopus Monstrosity Tree. And at a proud 38 feet, it's the smallest lighthouse in the U.S. As with almost all the other lighthouses we visited, it was decommissioned many years ago and replaced by a new one somewhere else. And as with the others, it now stands as a tourist stop/gift shop. 

While most motel rooms have a list of nearby restaurants and must-sees, our final stop offered a tsunami evacuation map. This almost came in handy since our area was expected to get slammed after the 8.8 underwater earthquake in the Pacific. Not only was our street an evacuation route, but the official safety gathering spot was just around the corner. Neither of these mattered because it was an 80-foot drop to the beach across the street, and the tsunami turned out to be a tsunothing. Still, a tsunami would have been an interesting way to wind up our Oregon visit instead of just driving to Portland and dropping off the car at the airport. 

Hope you enjoyed this little trip up Route 101. Just remember to dress for winter if you go in July and bring a life jacket if your overnight stays are near the beach. You never know what surprises are in store.

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