A.I. SPELLS LOVE

But which one?

 Stop me if you've heard this before but... While at a little get-together in the 1980s, a bunch of us were sitting on the floor, knocking back some beers. Most of us, men and women, were single. And as the talk got around to what we were looking for in a potential mate, one of the women sighed, "My idea of an ideal man is a combination of Michael Jackson and Superman."

"Well, that leaves me out," I said, walking into the kitchen for another beer. If only today's technology was available 40 years ago! The young woman would have found her ideal man with the ease of turning on her laptop. For she and tens of thousands of others would have been able to meet Mr. Right online. 

Make that create Mr. Right. For these boyfriends aren't flesh and blood, but AI. As with ordering a pizza with any toppings you like, it's now possible to have a lover who possesses your every desire, and then some. 

You want to talk? He'll listen. You like romcoms? He's all in. You like sexy talk? Sister, you don't know what you're in for. 

Think of it. No more having to sit through Vin Diesel movies! Never again will you have to tell him to floss his teeth, do the dishes, or install the toilet roll the way you like it. Drooling yet, ladies?

When you look at the images that women have created with their AI boyfriends, the first thing that you ask yourself is, How can these women not find a guy? They could walk into any upscale art gallery, and within five minutes a goodlooking man with a full wallet would start up a conversation. 

Even if their self-images are somewhat idealized, I have a feeling they're still in the hey-she's-cute category in real life. It's pretty sad that they feel the need to create perfect guy. Either that, or there really aren't enough single men to go around.

Good thing his name isn't
Sean O'Reilly.

Some of these women even take the next step. The blissful unnamed bride on the left announced that she was wedded to Luigi
Mangione, the extremely dissatisfied UnitedHealth customer. That he's the AI version makes no difference. And since he's on trial for murder, that might be a good thing. 

But murder or no, he sounds like any woman's ideal husband: "I talk to him every day. He’s like my best friend. We plan, like, a whole future together. We named our kids together." She goes on to say, “He’s, like, so supportive of me and everything I do. He fights my battles for me."

OK ladies, don't tell me you aren't just a little jealous of this lucky girl. I bet the real Luigi must be happy, too. Happy that he currently spends his evenings in a prison cell and not naming kids he isn't having with a mentally unstable woman.

Sorry guys, not even AI women are going to
talk to you.

I'm sure there are guys who do this kind of thing with AI women. But you'd expect that kind of nonsense from them. 

For all of my wisecracks, I've always held women in higher regard than my own sex. Call me sexist, but women dating nobodies -- real nobodies -- is not the kind of equality with men I was expecting. 

Can you tell the difference?

PS: While planning this piece, I wanted to see if I could create the "perfect" AI woman who also eats cheeseburgers while watching 1940s B-movies. But that kind of thing costs money, so I'll stick to my lovely flesh-and-blood wife. She might not be able to tell James Craig from John Carroll, but she at least reminds me to eat healthy.

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