LAUGHING THEIR HEADS OFF

Let me save you the trouble and say it
myself: who are these people?

Why did the comedian cross the road? To get to the seven-figure paycheck!

Welcome to the Riyadh Comedy Festival, which until recently sounded as likely as the Riyadh Pork Ribs Cook-Off. The closest thing to laughs I've ever found when thinking of Saudi Arabia how chummy we are with its leaders despite "rogue" elements of its government funding the 9/11 attackers -- who, in another punchline, came from the same country! 

Like the saying goes, real life is funnier than any comedy. Even more than some of the comedians who have been booked. But many hardcore fans are up in arms about their favorites selling out to the government that has beheaded 241 people this year. As of August, that is, so according to my calculations, there could have been 30 more who have gotten a really close shave. That equals one a day, which is a vitamin nobody wants. 

Comedians pride themselves as speaking truth to power, which will certainly put a crimp in those appearing at the yockfest. Along with the offer from the Saudi government came this brief list of verboten humor:

Good thing Jack Benny never
got an invitation. 

There's nothing there about not making fun of trans or gay people, so Dave Chapelle is in the clear. But lesbian laugh-maker Jessica Kirson might want to keep her love life on the downlow for the 60 to 75-minute set required by the festival rules. 

And I kind of get that. Comedy is a tough racket to earn a living if your name isn't Jerry Seinfeld. But Bill Burr? The guy who's allegedly getting $1.75-million for playing court jester to the Crown Prince? Who last year signed a $15-million deal with Hulu? He needs walking-around money? (And I'm talking as someone who loved him in the recent Broadway revival of Glengarry Glen Ross).

Or Pete Davidson, whose entire career was based on talking about his fireman father dying on 9/11? At least he's honest about it: "I get the (flight) routing and then I see the number and I [said], ‘I’ll go.’” And he's not talking about the flight number, either. Maybe he considers his salary literal payback for his father's death. 

Let's look at this another way. Re-read the Riyadh festival "Content Restrictions". Now pretend there was a Washington, D.C. Comedy Festival and substitute "USA", "Republicans" and "Trump Family" in the first two rules, and "Christianity" and "Christian figures" in the third. Would anyone other than Greg Gutfeld make room on their calendar to perform? OK, maybe Rob Schneider. 

If any good comes out of this, at least we've learned that plenty of joke-tellers can be bought and for how much. And if I ever get an invitation from Saudi Arabia to a conference for bloggers, you'll know my price, too. Remind me to pack the sunblock with 150 SPF, honey!

By the way, do you think comedians who didn't get the invitation are relieved or insulted?

                                                       *****************