UPPER EAST VIOLENCE

"Excuse me, could you keep it down, please? We're
having our luncheon."

While my wife and I were
having a pleasant lunch of soup and sandwich on Saturday afternoon, there was a full-scale riot going on three blocks away -- and we had no idea. Maybe because the Upper East Side isn't known for anything more violent than disputes over who plays pickleball next.

What could go wrong? 

This could have been avoided if our idiot president hadn't pardoned the criminals who tried to assassinate various Congresspeople a few years back. Jake Lang would have been behind bars instead of deciding it would be cool to lead a "Stop the Islamification" march in a city he couldn't find on a map of New York City. 

Lang, who describes himself as more right-wing than Nazis, must have known his little parade would bring out a larger counter-protest -- which was the whole idea. Start a riot outside the home of the Islamist Mayor of Jew York! 

Yow, who does he hate first? While my heart was with the counter-protestors, it doesn't mean there weren't some bad bananas in the bunch.

Meet Emir Balat and Ibrahim Kayumi, two junior members of the ISIS fan club who decided that a protest wouldn't be a protest unless they threw a homemade bomb into the crowd near the direction of Gracie Mansion, which, to remind you, is occupied by a Muslim couple. This is why we can't have nice things.

My neighborhood was locked down from 86th to 89th Streets between East End and First Avenues as the police searched the area for more bombs. With none found, the area was re-opened around 7:30 p.m., a full eight and a half hours following the start of the day's action. That's all, folks!

Hah! That's what we thought.

The bomb squad is considering opening a branch
office in my neighborhood.

The following afternoon, East End Avenue was closed again, this time from 83rd to 79th, with the bomb squad once more on the scene. This time, I was aware of what was going on and got to see for myself part two of our weekend of terrorist activities. 

A "suspicious device" (read: bomb) was seen in a car parked a block or two away, likely linked to the two wannabe terrorists, and leading to a partial evacuation of the area. Living outside the perimeter of the crime scene allowed us to stay inside and have dinner in peace -- other than the sirens on the ground and helicopters flying overhead. People were allowed back to their homes by 8:00 that evening.

Please note that the assholes who caused this trouble -- Jake Lang, Emir Balat and Ibrahim Kayumi --are all out-of-towners. God, these fucking tourists.

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