|The latest cast of "Celebrity Apprentice"|
|I could totally see him taking|
the oath of office on a
cold January morning.
Perhaps, now that Election Day has passed, pundits analyzing the 2012 campaign will wonder how anybody took Trump seriously. Did they really believe he would give up his Celebrity Apprentice infomercial for a job that offers less personal power? (He doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who’d enjoy consulting with 535 Congress people.) Or trading in his new jumbo jet for a used, government-designed model? Or, adding insult to injury, willingly living in a house that lacks shiny brass pillars, black marble credenzas and solid gold toilet handles?
|You can't spell "class" without "ass."|
|Yeah, in today's job market this is |
exactly what people want to purchase.
Now as far as his business empire is concerned, Donald Trump’s “look at me” shtick is no worse than goofy fun. You know the drill. The Trump hotels, steaks, vodka and cologne are the greatest in the world. The Trump country clubs are chockfull of “very important people.” Fine, that’s how big shots operate. At least he’s not flying airplanes into office towers or blowing up subways –- Trump creates things (or slaps his name on them). And he’s certainly responsible for more jobs and tax revenue than all his critics combined. That’s way more impressive than, say, the Trump Home fragrance collection. (What does a runaway ego smell like? You can find out yourself, starting at just $26.)
|A jock, a black woman, a midget, |
a dumb blonde and a gay guy
walk into a room...
Perhaps it was appropriate, then, that the only person I saw demand Trump put up or shut up with the birth certificate“evidence” was Anderson Cooper. Cooper had nothing to lose by doing the job his elders forfeited when Trump allegedly considered throwing his hair into the ring. And when you're the news anchor best known for giggling fits, New Year’s Eve broadcasts with Kathy Griffin and being the son of the woman responsible for $500 jeans, that's pretty freaking sad for the state of television journalism in general.
Anderson Cooper proves once and for all that he has the same credentials
as Walter Cronkite.
In the end, though, who can blame Trump for taking advantage of our TMZ-fueled, celebrity-consecrating media? He’s just following the lead of your average holistic dietician or pet psychologist: shilling dubious claims via accommodating interviewers. On the other hand, as with the shrink who analyzes Fido’s aggressive behavior as suppressed memories of stale Milkbones, it doesn’t mean we have to take him seriously.
By the way, Donald, love your spring water!
If you're Donald Trump -- or even if you're not -- feel free to leave a message by clicking on the link below.