Wednesday, April 2, 2014


On the heels of yet another massive recall by General Motors, Congress is now demanding to know why the automobile manufacturer took over a decade to publicly admit that its board of directors knew there was a problem with the ignition but refused to fix it.

GM spokesman Brad Lanes told reporters, "From the time that the ignition problem was discovered in 2001 until early this past January, there were four CEO's. By then, despite their best efforts, GM officials knew the shit was going to hit the fan. I mean, 13 preventable deaths if we had spent 57 cents per car to fix the damn thing? Who the hell wanted to cop to that? So it was decided by unanimous decision to name Mary Barra Chief Executive Officer. That way, her male predecessors would be vacationing somewhere in the South Pacific smoking Cuban cigars and drinking mojitos while a woman took the heat. Worked pretty well, too. Glad we kept her out of the loop all that time." 

Asked if this was fair of GM, Lanes replied, "Who said life was fair? Look, women are always bitching about 'glass ceilings' and not getting promoted. Well, here you go, gals, how do you like it?"


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