|Believe it or not, this doesn't get old.|
|That's right, granny, keep putting |
your Social Security checks to
|Go ahead -- you tell him earrings are effeminate.|
There's something almost refreshing about taking your first hit on a good Cuban cigar -- a smoothness and flavor lacking in their American counterparts. Unfortunately, I must have bought one of the lesser-brands, for this was some mighty harsh smoking, leaving an aftertaste akin to a three-alarm fire at a tobacco farm. Nevertheless, I was a regular Puffin' Billy as I made the rounds of the casino, leaving a trail of smoke behind me as if I had just elected a new pope. The $10 slots were too rich for my blood, the penny slots too cheap. Like a corrupt Goldilocks, I decided that the $1 Wheel of Fortune slot was just right. Taking my place on the stool, I pulled an ashtray closer, slid a $20 into the machine, and started making those plans of building a bungalow on a Nassau beach.
|That was my problem: instead of the |
"Hollywood Edition," I played the
A double-sawbuck used to be my limit when collecting movie posters, and would remain when gambling. I got unsteadily to my feet and made my way toward the exit, pausing only to watch a cigarette smoke-engulfed group play the electronic poker game. My eyes (now teary from the smoke) and my cigar-addled brain started playing tricks, as I swore that the aforementioned buxom video card dealer was flirting with me. I stubbed out the barely half-smoked cigar in the nearest ashtray and stumbled out the doorway.
|"Almost there, honey!"|
After almost sliding the electronic card key in the wrong room, I lumbered into the right one where my wife and daughter looked at me with a combination of concern -- I apparently had the color of the Creature from the Black Lagoon -- and a little disgust. "You reek of cigar smoke," my wife informed me unnecessarily. Having momentarily collapsed on the bed, I dragged myself into the bathroom, where my reflection in the mirror confirmed that I looked like something that the cat dragged in, ate, vomited up, ate again, and ejected via the other end. I brushed my teeth and, rinsing out my mouth, spit out pieces of the cigar I had chewed off. Yes, classy alright.