BREAKING NEWS: ACADEMY AWARDS EDITION

Movie fans are unhappy with this year's Academy Award nominations, the first since 1998 not to feature any minorities in the major categories. Many complain that show business, despite its claims to the contrary, gives preference to whites males.

In response, Academy Award spokesman Brad Lanes told reporters, "We deny anything of the sort. In fact, starting next year we're going to have a new category: Best Server at the Post-Academy Awards Party. Good luck to all the winners!"

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