As the recovery mission for AirAsia Flight 8501 continues into its second week, Jeff Zucker has announced that he has worked out a deal with to install video cameras at the front of all Malaysian airlines "just in case."
"We at CNN are proud of our relentless coverage of missing Malaysian airplanes," Zucker told reporters. "Once they go down, you can count on our crack team of reporters regurgitating the same non-information while experts on our payroll offer up theories, guesses, and empty speculation. Going forward, however, we're going to boost our coverage by providing live coverage of the crash itself. Once we hear that any Malaysian plane is having trouble, we're going to cut right to the video feed so that viewers can experience the terror in real time. And it doesn't matter what else is happening. Whether the president's declaring war on North Korea or John Boehner's falling down drunk on the Capitol steps, those airplanes will come first. We want people to remember that CNN is the home of flight disasters."
When asked if the video would help rescue teams find the planes faster, Zucker said, "Jesus, I hope not! What else are we going to talk about?"