Thursday, February 5, 2015

BREAKING NEWS: BRIAN WILLIAMS EDITION

NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams admitted Wednesday he was not aboard a helicopter hit and forced down by enemy fire during the invasion of Iraq in 2003, a false claim that has been repeated by the network for years. Williams and his camera crew were actually aboard a Chinook in a formation that was about an hour behind the three helicopters that came under fire. In his on-air apology, Williams placed the blame on his "fog of memory of 12 years."

Williams went on to say, "Now that I think of it, there are some other incidents I misremembered that I'd like to clear up now. Contrary to my earlier reports, I was nowhere near President Kennedy's car when he was assassinated. I blame that memory on the fog of kindergarten. Nor was I on the Hindenburg when it exploded, as I mentioned on the 75th anniversary of that tragic event. That was the fog of newsreels. And I must now admit that, despite my initial statement, I was 3,000 miles away from the subway train in England that was blown up by terrorists in 2005. That would be a foggy day in London town."

"If any good can come out of this," Williams added with a wry smile, "it's that knowing that my daughter Allison engaging in analinguis on a recent episode of Girls was just a figment of my overactive imagination. Thank God for little favors, hunh? I mean, I didn't really see it... did I?"

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