Tuesday, March 17, 2015


EXT. MIDWESTERN FARMLAND - DAY: A gentle wind blows through a field of corn on a sunny day.

JEB BUSH (V.O.): The United States -- breadbasket of the world.

EXT. MANHATTAN (FROM AN OVERHEAD HELICOPTER) - EVENING:  The city is alive with activity.

HILLARY (V.O.): The United States -- land of bright lights and excitement.

EXT. ROCKY MOUNTAINS - DAY: The snow-capped peaks loom dramatically in front of blue sky.

JEB (V.O.): From the mountains...

EXT. PRAIRIE - TWILIGHT: A bison herd settles in for the evening

HILLARY (V.O.): To the prairie...

EXT. CALIFORNIA BEACH - DAY: Waves dramatically on the shore.

JEB (V.O.): To the oceans white with foam. 

INT. GOVERNMENT-STYLE OFFICE: Hillary and Jeb stand side by side.

HILLARY: America -- truly the land of opportunity.

JEB: And Hillary and I are proud to take advantage of all America offers.

HILLARY: As you know, there's an election coming up next year, and while Jeb and I haven't officially announced that we're running, well, there's no point in being coy. Right, Jeb?

JEB: Right, Hill. Now, we know many of you are working long hours, maybe working two, even three jobs to make ends meet. And you just don't have time to sit down and compare the differences between the presidential candidates.

HILLARY: So we're making it easy for you by raising the most money, so we can win the nomination of our respective parties.

JEB: Clinton and Bush -- For 20 out of the last 27 years, someone with those names has occupied the Oval Office.

HILLARY: And for a total of 24 years, Jeb and I were public servants as well, either as Governor, Senator, Secretary of State or First Lady.

JEB: Add those up, and that's 44 out of 27 years. Man, do we love serving the public!

HILLARY: Clinton and Bush -- you know the brands. It's a dangerous world, and there's no point in trying something new. 

JEB: You said it, Hillary. I might've claimed that I'm my own man, but look at the advisers I've rounded up -- the same group that served the last three Republican presidents. Stay the course, as my dad used to say.

HILLARY: And anyone who thinks I'm going to carve new trails, why, they just don't know me. Wall Street has nothing to fear, and neither does the Pentagon. There isn't a country I don't want to invade. Why, I'm John McCain with a facial!

JEB: When you get right down to it, we're pretty much the same on everything. Except abortion and gun control.

HILLARY: But don't worry. While we talk a mean game on opposite sides of those issues, we're going to let the status quo remain.

JEB: Because unlike those "renegade" candidates in our parties, we're not out to shake things up.

HILLARY: You see, Jeb and I have set up the "Clinton Or Bush In 2016" campaign fund. Every dollar you donate will be split 50/50 between us. 

JEB: Not only will this make life simpler for us, but also for those fatcats who always give to Democrats and Republicans in order to grease the wheels no matter who wins. 

HILLARY: We're looking at you, Rupert Murdoch!

JEB: So remember. In these uncertain times, there's no point in trying something new. Go with the tried and true. Remember, monarchies have worked for the Brits since the 10th century.

HILLARY: (turns to Jeb) Jeb, are you saying I could be queen? (They both chuckle.)

JEB: Clinton Or Bush 2016.

JEB & HILLARY: Because it's our turn. 

CGI image of American flag with faces of Hillary and Jeb in place of the stars.

JEB (V.O.) I'm Jeb Bush.

HILLARY (V.O.) I'm Hillary Clinton.

JEB & HILLARY (V.O.) And we approved this message.

HILLARY: (V.O.) And how! (She cackles with delight.)


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