BREAKING NEWS: 5/8/15

Only two Senate Republicans from the entire conference of 54 members have admitted they read the details of President Barack Obama’s secret Trans Pacific Partnership trade deal as of this time.

"To be fair to our fellow Republicans, however," said Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-AL), "we're the only ones who know how to read."

 

 

Pope Francis will send an army of globe-trotting priests — his “missionaries of mercy” — to absolve women who’ve had abortions, in the latest Vatican bid to catch up with modern times.

Speaking to a crowd in St. Peter's Square, the Pope added, "This makes up for that whole pedophile priest thing, OK, ladies? Now get off my fucking back."

 

 

Hillary Clinton makes the final stop on Friday on a California fundraising tour where one of her admirers tried comparing her to fellow former first lady Eleanor Roosevelt.

When asked for details, the donor replied, "Well, they both had husbands who cheated on them. That's good enough for me!"

                                                      

Yoko Ono has created a series of broken coffee cups which have been repaired with lacquer mixed with gold. Each has a message marking a tragic historical event.

The first tragic event commemorated will be the day she met John Lennon.

 

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