"This was terribly unfair," said spokesman Brad Lanes. "Had we known this was happening, we would have made the same deal with the rest of the staff."
Following his poor performance at the first Democratic debate, Lincoln Chafee has dropped out of the Democratic presidential race.
Chaffee plans on returning to his previous job as a prep cook at Applebee's. "And this time," he added angrily, "I better get paid!"
Mark Zuckerberg gave a 20-minute speech about Facebook's mission fully in Mandarin in front of a Chinese audience on Saturday.
Zuckerberg then announced that he now owns the copyright on Mandarin.
Two years after the end of his marriage to Wendi Deng, media mogul Rupert Murdoch, 84, is dating 59 year-old Jerry Hall, the former girlfriend of Sir Mick Jagger.
A friend of Hall's admitted, "Jerry told me that Rupert is everything she wants in a man. He's rich, decades older, and looks like a pterodactyl."
When asked in an interview if cutting back on staff and salaries was his way of admitting defeat to Donald Trump, Jeb Bush replied, "Blah blah blah. That's my answer -- blah blah blah."
On the positive side, aides admitted it was his most coherent policy statement so far.