"This proves," said Sen. Marco Rubio, "that privatization works smarter and more efficiently than government handouts."
In related news, ISIS released a photo of the bomb hidden in a can of pineapple soda that was used in the downing of a Russian airliner last month.
In a Gallup poll, 75% of the respondents said it was a good idea to prevent people from bringing beverages on planes, while the other 25% wanted to know who the hell drinks pineapple soda.
An unidentified member of Hillary Clinton’s campaign is going after five comedians who made fun of the former Secretary of State at the Hollywood comedy club, The Laugh Factory. Club owner Jamie Masada refused to give over the names and phone numbers of the comedians as demanded.
Masada added, "What's really strange is that the caller seemed to like it, judging by her incessant cackling."
Secretary of State John Kerry is in hot water over his comments suggesting the killings at Charlie Hebdo this year were more 'legitimate' and 'rational' than the terrorist attack in Paris last Friday, which he says was "absolutely indiscriminate."
Kerry later told reporters, "What I meant to say was, Hitler made more progress when he focused on you-know-whats, am I right?"
Khloe Kardashian has hit back at estranged husband Lamar Odom in an explicit Twitter rant, saying that he “went against ALL our wedding vows.”
Those vows included “destroying your basketball career for the sake of shilling for your no-talent, dimwitted, bovine wife and her ghastly family.”
A father and his two sons found a stash of vintage Hollywood posters worth $240,000 when pulling up the flooring in their new home in Pennsylvania.
An unidentified, 59 year-old blogger wearing glasses and a fedora was later arrested for breaking into the house in a vain attempt to steal the collection, screaming, "They don't appreciate this stuff! I do!"