Friday, December 11, 2015


A young boy who was blessed by Pope Francis in Philadelphia in September has died.

The family has announced it will be suing the Pope for malpractice.

In response, President Obama told reporters, "Who says nobody wants to buy American products?"

She admitted that she had no choice, because it kept breaking.

The researchers said it was especially true when it came to looking for bars, online porn, and the best places "to score with the ladies."

"On the other hand," he said, "Superman is the greatest hero ever and I'm gonna make sure he comes down hard on anyone who says otherwise!"

Wal-Mart spokesman Walter Paisley said, "The government shouldn't be in the business of ripping-off people. That's our job."

"I could have saved myself $80,000," Rice said, "if I had remembered somebody already sold me the Brooklyn Bridge."

Weston added that she couldn't be arrested, however, since a psychic reincarnated her in the body of a 31 year-old woman, "and I've got a guy in Brooklyn waiting for me!"

In a poll taken in San Bernardino the following day, 100% of the participants agreed that it was not disrespectful to call Hasheem Said "an unmitigated asshole."


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