GLOBAL POLITICAL SYSTEM

Contrary to what they individually believe, not every candidate for president is going to get the job. Hanging chads aside, come November 9 only one of them will hold the title "President-Elect." The rest will return to their day jobs.

Unless they don't. Losing presidential candidates miss the daily exposure, the constant interaction with people. That's why I suggest they all start recording their voices for the GPS devices everyone has in their car. 

Talk about a captive audience! Drivers will have no choice but to hang on every word they say.

BERNIE SANDERS: Take your next left. A hard left. Never go right. Never!... Uh oh, we got a detour up there. Y'know why? The infrastructure of our nation's roads is falling apart. Any highway that's too big to fail is too big to drive on. Now you gotta take the toll road. But if you taxed the rich to cover the cost of maintaining our highways, you could throw your EZ Pass away. Instead, the top 1% gets the easy way out!... 

DONALD TRUMP: OK, first of all, your driving is amazing. Can I tell you that? It's amazing. Not like the driver ahead of you. He's a disaster. Drives like a woman... Hey, you going to Putnam County? You should visit the Donald J. Trump State Park. Really! I'm not kidding, it's amazing. Makes Central Park look like a catbox. Except for the Donald J. Trump Skating Rink in there. That's beautiful... You're looking for a place to eat? Forget about the Taco Bell at the next exit. It's full of rapists and murderers. You should try the Trump Grill at the Trump Tower. The shrimp scampi is AMAZING...


HILLARY CLINTON: OK, before we go, are you buckled up? The government has mandated that you have to wear your seatbelt... OK, now just stay in the middle the whole way. No turns. Oh wait, you want to go right? Great, I'm with you! Right is the way to go. That's been my positioning all along... I see you're going left. Good choice! In fact, I suggest we go even further left and -- ah, right turn only. That's what I've been saying from the beginning...

JEB BUSH: Take the next exit. Wait, you're not listening to me, I said the next exit. Alright, now we're going to have to reconfigure. Turn right at the next intersection. I said "right." Look, I've got the answers here, pay attention! I know what I'm talking about. Now you're going to have to make a U-turn and -- you're going left now, I can tell. Pay attention to me!...


CHRIS CHRISTIE: The bridge is out. HAHA! Gotcha! Now shut up and let me do the driving.







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