Tuesday, February 23, 2016


Historians Jonathan Mayo and Emma Craigie have discovered medical records proving Adolf Hitler had a "tiny deformed penis" with just one testicle.

Donald Trump welcomed the news, boasting, "That shows I'm not like Hitler as my critics claim, because I'm the biggest dick in this race!"

The exception to the "low-pay rule" would be if Marco Rubio is elected president.

Celebrity endorsements for the current crop of presidential candidates has grown, with Dick Van Dyke supporting Bernie Sanders.

Speaking at a Sanders rally, Van Dyke explained, "It's time for a younger generation in the White House." 

Presidential candidate Ted Cruz told reporters, "This outcome proves once and for all that the federal Occupational Safety board is unnecessary."

Asked for a comment, Spitzer said, "Hey, where else am I gonna meet women?"

"Who do you think you are," the email demanded, "Eliot Spitzer?"


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