Friday, February 26, 2016


A man was slashed with a sharp object in a midtown New York subway today, making him the 533rd slashing or stabbing victim in the city so far this year.

Mayor Bill de Blasio has urged New Yorkers not to worry, advising them, "Just stay home until this whole thing blows over. You'd be nuts to go outside now."

Krystal manager Thomas Dixon, Jr. said, "It's a dirty lie. We refused service to him because he was a spic."

A spokesman for the airline explained that it had accidentally escaped from the "meat" section of the dinner choices.

ABC spokesman Brad Lanes told reporters, "I'm confident that this will prove once and for all that women are just as adept at programming shitty TV series as men."

Ms. Sanders explained, "For instance, he has absolutely no problem running to the bathroom five times in the middle of the night."


No comments: