BREAKING NEWS: 6/15/16

Saudi Deputy Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman claims that his government has provided 20% of Clinton's campaign funding, despite such a move being illegal.

This announcement comes shortly after the confirmation of a search for Clinton's new Homeland Security team, which has been dubbed "Operation Dromedary."

A lawsuit alleges that officials at the Live Oak Classical School in Waco, TX, looked the other way after three white boys put a rope around a 12-year-old black girl’s neck and dragged her around.

In response, a spokesman for the school said, "This lawsuit is just another example of interfering with our proud Southern  heritage."

Following the Orlando massacre, Donald Trump once again called for the banning of immigrants from Muslim countries.

When informed that the shooter was born in Queens, Trump promised to build a wall around the hospital.

In related news, in the wake of Donald Trump's more gay-friendly attitude since Orlando, Pastor James David Manning has withdrawn his support for the candidate, tweeting, "Sodomy is more dangerous to America than radical Islam."

"And it's especially dangerous," Manning added, "when it's us preachers who are caught having sodomy with 10 year-old boys."

A Danish beauty-industry group conducted a survey of 3,000 models employed at every prominent agency in the world and determined that 94 percent of them are underweight.

The other 6% are on life support.

After winning the Washington, DC primary yesterday, Hillary Clinton met with rival Bernie Sanders in a discussion that was described as "positive."

"And by 'positive,'" said Clinton, "I mean that I'm positive that Jane Sanders will be released unharmed shortly after the convention."

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