BREAKING NEWS: 9/30/16

Thomas Gallagher, the engineer who was driving the train that crashed in Hoboken, New Jersey yesterday will be questioned by authorities.

In response, Donald Trump tweeted, "Over 100 people hurt and one killed because conductor obviously too fat to step on the brakes. Sad!"

New York magazine is reporting that Alicia Machado, the former Miss Universe at the center of the controversy involving Donald Trump's comments, was accused in 1998 of being the getaway driver in a murder and threatening the life of a judge. 

Informed of the report, Hillary Clinton tweeted, "These are the same life lessons I've tried to impart on Chelsea."

World leaders hailed the vision of the late Israeli leader, Shimon Peres, as he was laid to rest days after his death at the age of 93.

Asked for a comment on the legacy of Peres, Gary Johnson replied, "Who?"

While visiting Syrian refugee children in Istanbul, Lindsay Lohan signed an advertising deal with the Turkish "lifestyle company" B4L Movement.

Lohan said her advice to the children was to "lift themselves out of poverty by cashing in on an international tragedy, then celebrating by knocking back a case of Champagne in no time flat."

Wahida Mohamed Al-Jumaily, a 39 year-old Iraqi grandmother who has lost loved ones to ISIS, has responded by beheading her enemies, cooking their heads and burning their bodies.

Huma Abedin emailed Al-Jumaily asking if the cooking time for just one head was shorter.

                                                   **********************