Thursday, November 3, 2016


The last time I dated someone younger than me was over 30 years ago. I don't remember the exact age difference, but it was somewhere between two and four years. It was, as I recall, the only time I was older in a relationship; I tended to be equal in age or younger, but not by much. 

Musicians tend to stick to their own age, however. That is, until they reach 30 or so. The age difference isn't so much at first; after all, they're still relatively young. But by the time they're 50, the gap starts to widen like the Verdon Gorge.

This seems to especially true with British babyboom rockers. And "rockers" is what they look like they should be resting in, rather than the women they're currently with. Three of the more prominent of their ilk have been seen hobbling about town lately with their sprier halves. 

Melanie holds the bag containing Mick's pills, Just For Men,
Ben-Gay, Centrum Silver, and prune juice.
Of all of the guys who would be considered predators if they weren't in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, the most famous is Mick Jagger, 72, who for over half a century has spread his seed like a farmer on a bender. 

His latest flame (although judging by her age, should be considered a candle wick) is 28 year-old Melanie Hamrick. Their 44-year difference didn't stop her from getting pregnant by a man who could easily be mistaken for her grandmother. Melanie has put her ballet career aside in order to be the latest non-Mrs. Jagger and all that it entails, i.e., a monthly direct deposit.

Mick Jagger: Allies invade Normandy on D-Day.
Melanie Hamrick: The first internet connection from the U.S. to Europe is completed.

What's he doing with an old bag like her?
Speaking of the Rolling Stones, Ronnie Wood, 68, recently became the proud grandfather of twins with his wife, Sally Humprheys, who, at 38, is positively geriatric. This makes Ronnie something of an outlier among his peers. And unlike Mick's newest bundle of joy, Ronnie's twins won't be considered bastards, since he and Sally have been married for an astonishing six years. It must be love! Either that, or a pre-marital agreement that would be wildly unfavorable to the missus.

But something Ronnie does have in common with Mick is a face that resembles a recently-excavated pterodactyl. When women say these guys are "sexy," you can bet that they spell the word with a dollar sign instead of an S. Hey, a girl's gotta work for a living!

Ronnie Wood: The State of Israel is founded.
Sally Humphreys: The first computer board bulletin system (BBS) is developed.

Is that an iPhone Jimmy's holding, or a
container of Viagra?

Guitarist extraordinaire Jimmy Page, 72, wins the age gap award, thanks to girlfriend Scarlett Sabet being a blushing 26 years old. I have no idea what a conversation is like between two people with an age difference of 46 years, other than, "What does DVR mean, Scarlett?" 

But unlike Mick and Ronnie, Jimmy at least looks human. Too, he has no problem letting his hair go gray; the other two guys are still trying to convince people that their combined ages doesn't equal your average oak tree. 

Still, Jimmy looks like he's just returned from taking his grand-niece out to dinner following her college graduation. This is understandable, since Scarlett was born 22 years after Jimmy formed Led Zeppelin, and 27 years after the Yardbirds' creation. If I were him, I'd be over under sideways down, too.

Jimmy Page: Italy is declared a republic.
Scarlett Sabet: The first search engine is created.

If you think all of the above was crazy, check this out. Here's Charlie Watts and his wife Shirley in 1964:

And still happily married in in 2016:

Damn! Has he no shame?


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