Sunday, November 6, 2016

BREAKING NEWS: 11/6/2016

Scientists at MIT have developed what has been described as "bomb-sniffing spinach."

The first place they intend to grow it is the programming department at NBC.

Robert De Niro refused to pose for a photo with Arnold Schwarzenegger last week, telling the actor and former Governor of California, "If you're supporting Trump, I want nothing to do with you."

Schwarzenegger replied, "If you're the guy who starred in Dirty Grandpa, The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle, The Big Wedding, New Year's Eve, Shark Tale, Mary Shelly's Frankenstein, We're No Angels, Night and the City, Last Vegas, Righteous Kill, Cop Land and those goddamn Fokker movies, the feeling is mutual."

In Utah, Ryan Grassley says he was charged $39.95 for holding his newborn son moments after his wife gave birth.

Demanding an explanation, Grassley was told it was part of Obamacare's promise, "If you hate your outrageous medical bills, you can pay your outrageous medical bills, sucker!"

Two-time Emmy winning news anchor Jim Walker has quit his job in order to pursue a full-time career starring in gay porn movies, telling an interviewer, "I'm just as comfortable in a suit as I am in a jockstrap."

When told of the comment, Greta van Susteren said, "I thought I was the only one."

Several British physicists claim that humans have souls which live on beyond physical death.

The downside to their research, they added, is that it means the U.S. presidential election really will last forever.


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