DUM-DUM BALLOTS

Some of you might be too young to remember, but there used to be a time when Republicans didn't want anything to do with Russia, while Democrats figured the Kremlin wasn't going anywhere, so we might as well find some common ground with them Russkies. Man, does that seem like a long time ago. Like, when Obama was first elected.

The closest thing to a succubus you will ever see.

Another thought occurred to me as I watched MSNBC's coverage of Bruce "I Am a Working Man" Springsteen performing at Hillary Clinton's rally in Philadelphia last night: Does he know that Hillary is Wall Street's choice? Or that Hillary convinced Barack Obama that it would be a good idea to overthrow Muammar Gaddafi? And that by doing so, she helped to create the current refugee crisis? And that she's proud to have the support of Henry Kissinger? 

To his credit, Bob Dylan never publicly supported a presidential candidate. But it would have been a hoot to see him show up at Hillary's shindig last night to sing "Masters of War," before leaving the stage to the cheers of a clueless crowd.

The host of The Apprentice, not To Tell the Truth.

As for Donald Trump -- well, he can take pride in the Washington Post awarding him 4 Pinocchios a record-breaking 55 times for his untruths during this race -- more than all the Republican presidential candidates of the last four years combined. They might as well retire that award.

Notice I said "untruths" rather than "lies." Lying, I think, takes at least a little thought. Trump, however, just says whatever pops into his orange head whenever he opens his mouth. In fact, I think it skips his head entirely, and goes straight to his epiglottis, before it rises to his lips like a tsunami carrying a mountain of trash.

And yet, I felt obliged to participate in the farce known as Voting in New York. Farce, because every politician with a (D) after his or her name is almost guaranteed a job for life. (It took Staten Island to put Republicans Rudy Giuliani and Mike Bloomberg over the top, a feat I will not see again in my lifetime.) 

"There's that one voter -- kill him!"

Just to give you an idea of what it's like, let me share a true story with you. I have a friend here on the Upper East Side who, in 2013, voted for Republican Joe Lhota for mayor over Bill de Blasio. 

The following day, he looked at the New York Times' analysis of how each district voted. My friend was the only person in his district who voted for Lhota. All de Blasio needs is a pair of aviator shades, a khaki-colored military uniform, and the capacity to give three-hour speeches in Spanish every week.

When my wife and I went out to vote at 7:00 this morning, we figured it would be a long line -- but not the around-the-block long we were confronted with. She stuck it out as long as she could -- 20 minutes -- before leaving for a dentist appointment. It would take me another half-hour before I reached the door. I envied my wife's dental rendezvous.

Just don't expect it to make a
difference in New York.

New York replaced the charming, fast, efficient, old-school voting machines in 2013 with a weird hybrid of paper ballot/electronic scanners which makes it twice as long to vote -- and all for only $95-million. 

Why? Well, hell, what else are they gonna spend 95-mill on -- cleaning the streets? And God forbid you go outside the little oval that you need to fill in, which not only forces you to get another ballot, but brings back horrifying memories of sweating out the SATs. 

At least you have the chance to write in the candidate of your choice. It doesn't do any good, of course, although it feels good to vote for a president. But this is New York, so the outcome of this race was already a lock when Hillary Clinton became First Power-Hungry First Lady in 1992. So much for democracy in action.

As for the "down-ballot" folks... well, like I said before, the "D" candidate gets an "A" every time. This year, the seven or eight judges up for re-election -- Democrats all -- ran unopposed.

Did I say "democracy in action" earlier? Make that democracy inaction.

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One of the first presidential campaign commercials. Substitute "Mid-East" for "Korea", and you realize not a goddamn thing has changed: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJ3BngTJJS4&list=PLOrgtFDG1M7hu3laM1YD1QL644ZmMG2fW