Wednesday, January 25, 2017

BREAKING NEWS: 1/25/2017

Gwyneth Paltrow told InStyle magazine that ex-husband Chris Martin would "take a bullet for me."

When asked to comment, Martin explained that, like many people, he would be glad to take a bullet and put it in Paltrow's head.

Upon learning the explanation, Mayor Bill de Blasio said that if it were to really happen, they were to be immediately shot down.

"What I meant to say was, I'm a goddamn idiot who shouldn't be allowed within five miles of a government job, or, for that matter, human beings in general."

Democratic insiders say there is a 50/50 chance that Hillary Clinton will run for Mayor of New York this year.

In related news, local dating sites noticed an uptick in new accounts under the nickname "Ex-Prez Bill."

Asked for proof, John told her, "Have you ever heard Yoko Ono sing?"


No comments: