Wednesday, April 19, 2017


Journalists Jonathan Allen and Amie Parnes interviewed over 100 insiders for their book Shattered: Inside Hillary Clinton's Doomed Campaign, which was published Tuesday by Crown.

During their research, the authors discovered that Clinton and her campaign refused to admit that they had anything to do with their loss, blaming it instead on several factors out of their control. They include:

  • Instead of going to the polls, many voters had to stay home to wait for the Comcast repairman to fix their cable. "You know how terrible their service is," said one Clinton adviser on background. "I'm convinced Comcast was donating millions to Trump, and pulled this stunt to ensure his victory."
  • Donald Trump's insistence on playing up to the voters' worst instincts by talking about jobs, the economy, and defeating terrorism rather than real-life "kitchen table" issues like electing Hillary Clinton.
  • Raising only a billion-and-a-quarter dollars in campaign funds. "If only we'd made it to two billion," a campaign insider sighed. "That would have put us over the top for sure!"
  • A lack of support by Democrats. The same insider fumed, "Just when we needed everyone in the party to be in lockstep with us, that SOB Bernie Sanders tried to give voters a choice!"
  • The overwhelming support of celebrities, and apparently television news reporters as well. Speaking on background, a Clinton friend told the authors, "They should have known the cardinal rule: the more people hear about Hillary Clinton, the less popular she is. She should have run with a paper bag over head like the Unknown Comic on The Gong Show."
  • Democracy itself. "If we had our way," the same unnamed friend admitted, "the presidency would have gone straight to Hillary in 2008, and stayed there until Chelsea turned 50. But no, people have to vote every four years because why? Some worn out piece of paper written by slave-owners says so? Straight-up paternal racist cisgender bullshit!" 
  • Clinton supporters being so depressed by Stephen Colbert trailing Jimmy Fallon in late-night ratings that they couldn't get out of bed on Election Day. "This is the irony," one of the interviewees explained. "Colbert's ratings soared when Trump got elected. If they stay that way, it's Hillary's to lose in 2020. Wait, did I say to lose?"

No comments: