BREAKING NEWS: 11/9/17

Director Ridley Scott has decided to remove Kevin Spacey (right, as J. Paul Getty) from  All the Money in the World, and replace him with Christopher Plummer, even though the movie is still set for release on December 22.

Scott remarked how pleased he was with the turn of events, adding, "Do you know how hard it is to get a Plummer at the last minute?"

Researchers at the University of Rochester have injected human brain cells into the brains of mice. As a result, the mice in the experiment are smarter than their peers.

"We initially put mouse brain cells into a human's," Dr. Joe Besser told reporters. "It was the producer who approved Kevin Spacey's make-up job in All the Money in the World."

A pro-ISIS group threatening "more bitter and greater" attacks on Manhattan is focusing on killing  "post-pubescent children."

Planned Parenthood released a statement reading, "We prefer they start a little earlier, but we'll take any help they can offer."

Despite GOP election losses this week, Steve Bannon told Republicans that they cannot fake the Trump agenda.

Bannon added that the Trump agenda is fake enough.





President Donald Trump's visit to Japan has set off a frenzy of demands for one of the meals he ate, which has been dubbed "The Trump Burger". 

The Trump Burger is made up of raw meat for his audiences, cheesy promises, and a great relish for compliments.

During an appearance on Good Morning America yesterday, Joe Biden said he regrets not running for president in 2016, but admitted "the decision was right for my family."

Biden explained that had he run, his body would have been chopped into pieces and delivered to his wife in a box with a Chappaqua postmark.



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