PROMISES MADE, PROMISES KIND OF KEPT

Andrew Cuomo can count one hand the number of times he's yelled at
Cynthia Nixon in the first two minutes of the debate.

It hurts me to say it -- like, eating a dish of bad oysters left out in the sun kind of hurt -- but I believe I've been wrong about Gov. Andrew Cuomo running for president in 2020. 

Not because he made a promise during his debate with Cynthia Nixon. "I'm running for Governor, not President," he said, adding that the only caveat is "if God strikes me dead. Otherwise, I will serve four years as governor of the state of New York".

As the builders of the Titanic would sadly admit, tempting God in a deal like that is like telling Pres. Trump to stay away from Twitter as you hold a photo of a kneeling football player in front him. You know what the reaction is going to be, and it's going to be grim.

But my newfound prediction isn't based on the Almighty, but on the almighty ad campaign currently running. A week or two ago, new commercials started appearing on local television. Instead of Cuomo whipping out the usual bellicosity shtick regarding the Trump agenda, there was friendly ol' Joe Biden softly taking us into his confidence, reassuring voters in so many words that New York's governor would uphold the progressive ideals that Upper West Siders hold dear to their hearts. 

Yes, that Joe Biden, the man who would be president if it hadn't been for the Frank Nitti-style strongarm tactics used by the Hillary Clinton campaign -- which, to continue the analogy, wound up like the victims of the St. Valentine's Day Massacre.

This commercial wasn't just a one-shot thing. At least once during, before, or after any news program, you can count on Joe urging us to do the right thing and vote for his friend Andrew Cuomo. And if that isn't enough of a reminder, last Friday we received this flyer in the mail:

It was when I studied that photo that I realized my original prognostication had been wrong. Suddenly, the truth started to crystallize in front of me. All I had to do was flip the picture and add a slogan:

 

And you know what? This wouldn't contradict Cuomo's promise of "I'm running for Governor, not President". Because he'd be running for Vice-President! And that addendum about serving four years as Governor -- He said nothing about which four years. The first four? The second four? Two from the second, two from the third? Doesn't matter. It's math that even a doofus like Donald Trump could understand: 4 = 4.

Here's a tip for readers of the New York Times: forget about Maureen Dowd, and start reading the society page. If you see a wedding announcement regarding Andrew Cuomo and his live-in girlfriend Sandra Lee, you can start printing those Biden/Cuomo 2020 posters. Feel free to throw in my clever campaign slogan.

And if I'm wrong, may God strike me upside the head, and remind me not to be so confident in my promises.

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