THE MUELLER NON-REPORT

Now this was worth talking about.

The usual suspects were likely in full-throated force last night across cableland following the handover of Robert Mueller's investigation. I say "likely" because what was the point of listening to groups of people sitting on a panel, around a table, or stacked Brady Bunch-style in high definition discussing something they hadn't even read? Hell, I can listen to my own opinion, even if my wife isn't interested.

I don't care what anybody says. The last thing big mouths of all political views wanted to have happen was the release of the Mueller Report. Which sounds like the name of a 15-minute news program circa 1954. "Live from Washington, The Mueller Report. Sponsored by Viceroy, the cigarette that filters the smoke!"

Maybe so, but not enough to elect Hillary.

Nope, nobody really wanted to know what Mueller had to say because the expectation was always going to be so much more fun than the reality. For the left, it was the idea that the Trump criminal gang was finally going to be brought down like an old Las Vegas casino: fast and loud, to the cheers of spectators close by and viewers at home. 

People actually believed the First Family would be languishing in prison before the 2020 election. I wish I had a dime for every laptop jockey who used the phrase "orange jumpsuit" in connection with anyone named or connected to Trump. Why, I would be as rich as Trump himself! Which is to say, not a billionaire like he claims, but a lot more rich than I am now. 

He was crucified for this?

For the right, it was the belief that their God-given President-for-Life (fingers crossed!) was not only innocent of every charge ever made against him ever ever ever in his life, but he would emerge stronger than ever, ready to continue his priorities: building a wall, basking in the support of racists and Neo-Nazis everywhere, and finally locking up Hillary Clinton -- even if only one of those items has come to pass. You choose.

As long as Mueller kept up his "witch hunt", the Trumpezoids could put aside any possible chance that the Idiot-in-Chief was guilty of collusion with Russia -- which, other possible crimes aside, is what this whole thing is about. So what if a bushel and a peck of Trump's advisors have been indicted? Trump didn't know! And if he did so what? It prevented you-know-who from getting elected.

William Barr OKs the cover-up.

Yet, Trump sure behaved like he was guilty of something... until a few days ago, when he decided, yeah, let everybody read the report. How generous! Me, I took it to mean that Attorney General William Barr already told the boss, Don't worry, nobody's going to know nothing, allowing Trump to shrug his shoulders. Hey, I wanted it released, but we've gotta follow the advice of the Attorney General. 

The most likely outcome is this: Trump's stooges were in deep with Putin's posse... about something or other... but there's no hard evidence that the bleach-blonde bozo in the Oval Office was in on it. No smoking cell phone, as it were.

Result: Trump's deranged 35% will hail Robert Mueller as a patriot, while the Daily Kos folks will wail that he was in the tank for Trump all along. After all, he's a Republican, right? And former head of the FBI -- which, until recently, was the Left's number one enemy.

This will lead to Trump's re-election in 2020 no matter who the Democrat nominee is. But don't be surprised if we have a Nixon redux, when the President resigns midway through his second term. A prediction like that should get me an appearance on Hardball any day now.

And would someone please tell Jesus to keep his nose out of our elections?


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