ETERNALLY STUPID

I've already explained why people hate movie stars (or what passes for movie stars.) Like when Matt Damon feels "depressed" when people don't love his movies, or when Seth Rogen has to console his devastated friends when critics don't kiss their feet.

Not as tough as he looks.

We can add Kumail Nanjiani to the list of those well-paid folks estranged from what 99% of the world's population refer to as "real life". In a recent interview, Nanjiani admitted that the bad reviews for his movie Eternals were "really, really hard" to take. So hard that he went into therapy. 

Jesus Christ! No wonder why shrinks charge $200 an hour. I'd have charged double to put up with an actor whining They didn't like my movie!, when my previous patient is trying work through being raped by their stepfather.

 Unlike most people who suffer trauma (yes, Nanjiani used that word to describe his situation) the actor actively sought out the people responsible for it, i.e., the critics, to read their "unfair" reviews. And you know what it all his "trauma" stems from? The studio told the cast the movie would be well-received. How the hell is this any different from adolescents whose parents assure them their poetry is wonderful, only to be shocked when learning not everyone feels the same way? 

The real enemy.

Like all show biz folk who can't admit their project stunk, Nanjiani is sticking to his guns when he says the fault wasn't with the movie. The real problem, he avers, was that Eternals was released when covid was still causing trouble.

Not that people stayed away -- by the time of its release in 2021, theaters were opening and people hungry for CGI-driven movies were happily plunking down their $20 for the experience. Nope, according to the wise actor, it's because of the pandemic, everything felt particularly "heightened". 

Cripes! Audiences have to listen to these bozos in their stupid movies -- why don't they listen to themselves off the set? All this meshuga from an actor most people couldn't pick out of a preview, for a movie they never heard of, where his character's name, Kingo, sounds like a rigged game in an underground Tokyo gambling parlor. 

Three years on, Kumail Nanjiani is still in therapy for negative reviews. Count your blessings you don't have it so bad.

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