TAPPING MY LIFE AWAY

But I'd buy the Philco Predicta
if I had the room for it.

Unlike the typical caricature of an out of touch boomer, I embrace new technology as I do a warm, wooly blanket on a cold winter's evening. 

Up to a point.

While I was more than happy to get rid of the old turntable in favor of a CD player, give away the analogue TV in favor of hi-def, and upgrade from VHS to DVD to Blu-ray, I took my time when it came to phones.

The only reason I acquired even a flip phone was because of the embarrassment I suffered knowing that my tech savvy adolescent daughter and tech averse wife each already had one. And even after they jumped into deep end of the iPhone pool, I refused to take the next step until background work made it imperative. 

To display my independent thinking, I went for the Motorola Android, a choice I've continued with since. Why spend a drop a few extra Benjamins on a device that did everything a droid was capable of? 

I'd have kept using this, just out of spite.

Well, almost everything. The iPhones definitely had better cameras (did you ever think you'd have to think about camera quality when purchasing a phone?) and, eventually, NFC -- short for Near Field Technology, or what we commonly refer to as tap to pay. 

Having neither the higher quality camera nor NFC never bothered me. The droid photos were good enough. And what was the big deal about tap to pay when I was already doing that with credit cards? 

Plenty big, apparently. Once my wife upgraded to iPhone 76 or whatever it was, I couldn't get through a day without hearing her swooning about it. Whether it was getting on the subway, a shopping spree at Sephora, or lunch with her gym friends, it was always the same reaction: I just LOVE using tap to pay! It is so GREAT! The last time she demonstrated this kind of enthusiasm was our wedding night. And that was when I picked up the dinner check.

"I successfully waste my time scrolling
 the internet.  A+."

I was still happy with the plastic money, and would still be using it if my droid
hadn't reached the end of its life. After studying the choices on Consumer Cellular, I recently went for the Motorola Edge 2024. A year behind the times, to be sure, but it came with a better camera, longer battery life, and, at last, the near-orgasmic NFC.

In what is either a sign of the times or my social life, the first thing I did with my phone was not making a call but loading my credit cards onto the Google Pay wallet. Like a skeptic encountering a spoon bending shaman, I demanded proof of NFC's alleged magic by trying it myself at Fairway.

The place where my life was forever changed.

After running my supplies through the self-checkout, I brought the phone to the P.O.S. terminal (that's short for Point of Service, so get your mind out of the gutter). I hadn't believed my wife when she told me how much faster tap to pay was until it was my turn. I don't think I was even within five inches of the thing when the green check mark came up confirming my purchase. I mean, it felt like the phone jumped out of my hand.

Suddenly, I was a convert. I hurried down the block to City Swiggers to pick up a few non-alcoholic beers for the weekend. Faster than you can say "O'Doul's", bam, payment accepted. This madness continued for the entire weekend as I looked for any excuse to go shopping as many times a day as possible. And every time I returned home, I deliriously told my wife, I just LOVE using tap to pay!  It is so GREAT! 

The 21st century handshake.

It got to the point where I was ready to buy a new pair of sneakers just to use the damn thing, until remembering there were already a half-dozen others in my already-overcrowded closet. But no worries! Maybe now that NFC is available phone to phone, I can find somebody who owes me money -- or vice-versa! Never has debt been so exciting.

Hey Jeff Bezos! Any chance you can make it possible to make a purchase on Amazon with tap to pay? Think of this way, Jeff: the next time I refer to you as a P.O.S., you can take it as a compliment.

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