Wednesday, February 11, 2015


A few weeks back, I wrote a piece about the love story of the decade: Charles Manson had finally found a woman who had made him happy. His girlfriend had gone so far as to take out a marriage license on their behalf. At the age of 80, Manson would finally hear wedding bells instead of the perpetual cuckoo clock inside his head.

But it was not to be. Cupid has had his arrow returned, broken in two:

Charles and Afton in happier times.
What a disappointment. I mean, who wasn't looking forward to the happy couple marching down the aisle to the strains of "Helter Skelter"? And geezers everywhere were rooting for Manson, who, at the age of 80, still had it in him to turn the ladies' heads. This was actually pretty easy, since those heads weren't screwed on too tightly to begin with. 

So what brought about the break-up? Political differences? Possibly -- I don't see a swastika carved in her forehead. She wanted kids and he didn't? Hash it out with Dr. Phil. His tendency to order mass murders? Let's take a look at that news article and find out:

Funny, in all those "Move to California" commercials that used to run incessantly in New York several years ago, I don't remember Manson being one of the attractions. Surfing, palm trees, the chance of seeing Jack Nicholson courtside at the Lakers games, absolutely. But Charles Manson on display in a glass grotto? Maybe that was for the locals who still pine for the '60s. 

Manson, no sucker he, got out in the nick of time, no doubt unwilling to be the latest in a string of old celebrities being strung along by a gold-digger young enough to be his psycho disciple. Dames, hunh?  

Yup, you can't say Manson didn't come to his senses. Or can you?

This looks like a still from half of
Quentin Tarantino's movies.
Manson might be on to something. Take a good look at him. Hipster goatee. Trendy haircut. Looks like he works out more than I do. Not a wrinkle that I can see. Would you take him for 80? If he yelled, "Hey you punks, get off my lawn!", you'd get.

Ms. Burton insists, however, that the marriage is still on, and will be renewing the license. But even a state as wacky as California might balk at going through this kind of publicity again. If so -- and if Manson proves to be a candidate for parole -- he and Ms. Burton can always move to Alabama. They might be nuts, but, dammit, they're straight.


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