WEIGHT A WHILE

For decades, maybe centuries, women have had a leg up on men when it came to good health. But with the release of the latest CDC report, that might change:

The average American woman now weighs as much as the average American man weighed in 1960. Both U.S. men and women have been packing on the pounds since 1960, with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention showing that the average American woman now weighs 166.2 pounds – nearly identical to what American men weighed in the 1960s. 

It's a fat world, after all...

Well, OK, women are technically 55 years behind the times, because the same report tells us that the average American male weighs 195.5 pounds today. C'mon, ladies, you gotta get in line at the Golden Corral buffet!

If you've spent any time at the tourist attractions in Orlando, Florida, this report won't surprise you at all. In fact, 166.2 pounds sounds a little low. A lot low. During our last family vacation at Disney World eight or nine years ago, there was enough elephantine human flesh on display to feed every stranded soccer team in the world about six million times over. If you ever want to see people having oral sex with a giant smoked turkey leg, Disney's the place to be.

Remember how Michelle Obama took a lot of heat for saying that her husband's election was the first time she felt proud of America? I can tell you exactly when I was first embarrassed for it. I was talking to a French businessman who was getting transferred back to Paris after living in New York for several years. I asked him what he thought of America. He said he liked it very much, "but there are so many overweight people!" He knew from experience, since the same CDC report says the average American is 33 pounds heavier than the average Frenchman. Scare bleu cheese!

Cheer up, lady, at least you got a hit single
out of  your misery.

The terminally-sensitive Millenials would probably refer to the CDC report as "fat-shaming." This might not be such a bad thing, when you consider that the report also tells us only 12.2 Americans could fit in a room vs 20 from Bangladesh.

Yet the only shame any group of Americans would feel are runway models. And that shame would be for those Bangladeshis, whom they would advise to go on the salt-and-toothpick diet if they wanted any chance at getting hired for Fashion Week.

If you didn't know how important it is for some people to gorge themselves, this headline from the April 8, 2015 edition of the Las Vegas Review-Journal should help: 

Suicide at M Resort blamed on loss of free  buffet for life

Click on the headline to see a picture of the victim, then do a Google Image search. You won't be shocked to discover that there are people more deserving to win free meals for life. Like maybe one of those 20 Bangladeshis who are probably still starving in a room somewhere.

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